Am I Creating a SSM?

[heatherg]

Hi Lillie
That's an interesting perspective, working on the individual issues in the presence of the other person. I'm a little worried that too much of that is going on right now, with the focus being on H. I'm afraid he will begin to see the sessions in the light of 'us' trying to change 'him'. I don't know quite how to make sure the scales are balanced.
It's hard because I own up to things easier, so it takes less time. The C has to coax H and wait forever for him to answer and then his first answers are usually a BS response, so she has to work through it to actually make him answer the question. So, it seems to be more about him. I wonder if that makes it seem like we are ganging up on him. Ok, I'm rambling.

I think I just meant that while FOO may help me understand myself and why I act/react/feel the way I do about certain things, it's not as solution oriented as I'd like to keep our MC sessions. I treasure every moment we have in there because it's the only forum where I feel like I have some backup in getting through H's defenses. I can't do it by myself because he won't let me. But without being rude to our MC, he can't avoid her questions entirely. So, we make progress. I try to let it be as much about him as he seems comfortable, kwim? I hate to 'waste' that time talking about my childhood, not that it is a waste of time overall, but I think it's sort of wasting *that* time that is set aside for H and I to work through our communication/intimacy/trust issues.

I do agree with you though, that it's pretty impossible to separate personal growth from changing the dynamics in the R. I would just like to separate the time frames in which certain things are addressed. At least for now. H and I are so confused and have problems that seem so big to us that my childhood seems last priority in terms of things to discuss. But it may be worth doing in some other forum....I don't know. I've never really felt that my childhood had a whole lot to do with anything. It's done, over, I wasn't particularly happy but certainly not neglected or unhappy. I've never felt a very big need to get into it, but maybe I've been overlooking something....I'm not sure.