Heather I think you can have a profound effect on your M, and it come become a much better M, in a fairly decent (short) time frame. I was hoping to be able to assist, along with some others here, who I think can assist you too.
If you are looking for someone to revist the past with, and hold on to the negative things from shortly after your A, if you are looking for a guy to commiserate with you and say your H is a terrible person and that your all that, then Ill step aside.
Im not that guy. If I can be of some help, I would enjoy that. If I confuse you, let me know. If Im not clear let me know. Otherwise Ill be happy to step aside.
Quote: regarding my H wanting me to figure something out. You said ......... ... .. Nothing about this connection you believe you've made between H's comment and something that was going on prior to the A is direct or straightforward to me.
<sniff sniff> smells stinky. Not sure I want any of that yet...
Ill deal with the simple stuff first. Seeing that I am a man and all..
You mean the suggestion itself is a 360 indicating that I'm returning to some old behavior? Yes.
Do you think because he said that once that I should never bring it up again? <squinty look.> Your a very sharp girl, and this is slightly insulting. Attacking me isnt going to get you anywhere, however subtle you may go about it. To answer the question--- of course not.
I've never seen anyone disagree that the A needs to be spoken about at some point in order to get past it. Do you disagree?
<squinty look.> again.
Thats not what you were doing with your demands and ultimatums with how the C session would be run. You were stamping your foot and wanting to force a issue to resolution. Not gonna happen that way. to answer the apparent question though. No I dont disagree. It needs to be talked about. As chrome brilliantly stated that doesnt mean holding on to it or letting it be held over your head constantly by you or him.
What I want is to build a great today. And then tomorrow, I will want to build a great today.
Nod. OK. good. things drag us down, I understand that. We try. Your trying. Your H is trying. Your just as much a PITA as he is.
When I go to bed at night, tonight in fact, I would like to know I can sleep in my own bed if I choose.
I think you could. But you want to 'be asked back'. Have you clearly communicatted that want to your H? Thats not something you just want him to figure out is it?
But as Lil pointed out, even people held catpive see 'signs' in their captors If you think H is abusive or an alcoholic then there is likely no resolution. I asked you about that already though. I think you and your H have a dynamic. Actions you have been taking have been improving the dynamic. I'd like to live like we are trying. There are positive signs in the R, positive signs that H is trying.
Yes there are. I see that he is trying. Just not how you want him too. Ditto for him I bet.
What is really trying and what is simply 'better than being locked in the laundry room'? What is really trying and what is simply better then having EA's. You want to hold onto this --be my guest. Your H can point fingers just as well as you.
Not a solution. You need to vent here? fine. Understood. I approve.
Tell me who is being 'clear and obvious'?? Neither of you. I could go back and pull stuff from your posts but thats not helpful either.
Quote: what is he currently doing that is punishing or abusive.
If you haven't picked up on this by now, we are seemingly not in agreement on the topic. Several others seemed to have picked up on it.
<chuckle> Very P/A response. I was asking a sincere question so you could get ideas on how to deal with it. Last I heard things were going much better.
excepting the bedtime/sons situation.
He is passive aggressive with revealing his hurt and I have lost most trust in him because I can't tell if what he is saying is how he truly feels or is meant as part of a greater plan to hurt me or further show me the 'consequences' of my actions
yes to all of it. Im sure he feels the same way, yes?
I really don't waste too much time thinking about riddles anymore, I am learning to recognize where my problems end and his begin. Those problems don't belong to me
excellent. very good. This will allow you to accept.
I do sometimes need to be reminded of this. Although it's never taken me two years to snap my fingers....
hahah. very funny. but true and part of what your H's issues are.
Those changes your H made to his drinking habits. Were those done when you were nagging him, or were they done on his time frame, and at a point when he thought it was neccessary for it to occur?
as much as I want to get into the head spinning stinky stuff at the beginning of the post, Ive run out of time for the evening. 'V for Vendetta' at the IMAX calls me. Hope it doesnt suck.
Hope you C session goes well. You can do this. Set goals. Stay focused. move forward. one day, one step at a time. Tie your shoes, double knot them. Its a marathon.
