"About the card though, I'm surprised. It didn't occur to me that I shouldn't get one at all. I thought it could be a small gesture to keep the positive momentum going in the R, let him know I was thinking of him, and if I took the approach of saying "I'm happy to have a second chance with you" it could also fill a small need for an apology/acknoledgement that he did not have to give me a second chance. Those are things H seems to still need from me, remorse, regret, etc. Does expressing gratitude that we are still together qualify as a sort of apology?"
Please don't get me wrong Heather. If your gut feeling says that getting a card is a good idea, based your knowledge of your M, then by all means go ahead.
Just be careful about the remorse/regret thing. Proper guilt shows us that we did something wrong. Once we admit our fault and accept it, the time for guilt is OVER. Excessive guilt is dwelling on a mistake ad infinitum, and is worse than useless. IMHO, you should not apologize anymore for the A. You should be clear that you view it as a mistake of your own making, that you are 100% at fault for, but the time for remorse is over. If your H cannot let it go, that is his problem now, not yours. You need to keep your mind focused on the future.
However, I will say that maybe you could give it one final scrub with the Brillo pad. NOPkins once suggested that I give my W a copy of "Surviving an Affair" by Harley as a "gift" and then let her decide what to do with it. Maybe such an action is warranted in your case. (other folks on this board, feel free to jump in here).
Chrome
p.s. GEL, can you make it a Diet Coke ... I'm a little overweight. LOL
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
