Am I Creating a SSM?

[heatherg]

you sleeping on the couch and your S5 sleeping in bed with your H....VERY bad training. It is unaccpetable....What has your H said about this? He surely knows that he is modeling a weird thing to your son.


Some time ago, my SIL told me that my S5, sounding surprised, said 'Your mommy and daddy sleep together?' When I told H this, he said he had no problems with his son saying this. When I incredulously asked 'How can you *not* have a problem with that?!' he replied 'It's better than the alternative. Which do you think is better, separating where the kids can't have access to us whenever they want or for us to sleep in separate beds? Which is more harmful?'
At the time, allowing me back in the bed wasn't even an option. He truly doesn't seem to get it that we can end this at any time and move forward. He has said things like 'Oh, and wouldn't that just be so convenient for you? You cheat on your H, and life just continues on'.

An amazing motivator has been...do I want my kids to go through a difficult M? Then I gotta change...I have to work it out....to show them how to have a good marriage.

There's just only so much one person can do before it becomes necessary for the other person to participate in a meaningful way. It's that time. I want my children to see a good M. I just feel torn because this M doesn't seem to be going anywhere all that great and it's so difficult to imagine a M to anyone else because the circumstances are strained from the very beginning. Blending families, exes to deal with, old memories that the other person wasn't a part of, that person will never be the real father of my kids. There is so much that is not ideal about a second M that it takes an act of God to make it. I want to make *this* M good, but I don't know how long I'm supposed to wait.

Your son will do the same thing to his wife that he sees his dad do to you...unless something changes.


This was actually a big motivator for me back when H's attitude toward me was really affecting our son. There were times when my son would not acknowledge me when I greeted him and H refused to say a word about it. It was horrible. To H's credit, he has been much better about that kind of stuff. He'll tell S5 "Did you tell Mommy about..." or "Show Mommy what you did/got today..." and if S5 says something that isn't nice H will tell him that it wasn't nice. So, that has gotten better thank god.