Am I Creating a SSM?

[Stigmata]

Remember it is easy for people here on this board to project their own anger about their situation and then just get you all stirred up because situations can be similar.

-Hm. A bit of an oblique attribution. Anyone in mind?

Anyhoooo. If no, carry on. If "yes" and we can replace "people" with "Stigmata" then I have regrettably failed as an communicator. It's true, Heather, you heatherg and C know best. And if I'm coming across as projecting anger about my own R then I will respectfully recuse myself from your thread as that is not helpful and counterproductive. I currently harbor zero anger in the context of my R tho. Just trying to give an M perspective of an M who's been there unfortunately.

To clarify in case of tonal confusion. What I said. About having a chat with your H. The message wasn't that I would shout him down, no, no, no. I would reassure him that what you did could have been soooo much worse; and recounted what I had to deal with and how the resentment sinks it's teeth in like a pit bull. Tell him it's all gonna be okay and not to stress over it.

I just see him going down a familiar road and I would really like to see both of you make it and spared of where festering resentment and control leads.

His denying you that business dinner with 2 or 3 other Ms, even though a potential positive for your career. Not happy with you going out with friends. Not happy with you going to karate. The kissing issue. Sleeping alone. You've been doing an incredible job with your -perspective-putting-into over all of this. A less diligent person would let this build resentment in themselves and soon he/she would feel trapped, smothered, and caged in...buried under the thumb of control and suspicion.

But you're smart. You see why he's doing this and you want to help him through it. Bravo. Just keep that positive attitude and his trust will slowly build and negativity dissolve away.

Another thing I just realized. High school sweethearts, is that right? So basically one serious R for him since he was 18 and you 17. That puts it into a totally new perspective for me. (yeah, I'm a lazy reader, skim skim skim while whistling).

If so means H didn't get jaded like all we Ms once did in our 18-20s...when you would go to get a beer out of your dorm fridge for that really hot/now drunk girl you were thinking of dating. And when you came back downstairss she could be seen ambling off with another drunk M who gives you that "sucker!" look over his shoulder. Or various other short term Rs that didn't work out due to "cheating," immatturity blah blah blah.

Kinda reminds me. Like that scene from Sound of Music. "I am 16, going on 17 etc" So I can see how your As would sort of burst his protected bubble with that kind of history.

And I think that's superb, by the way. My grandmother and grandfather were married and my grandmother was 16 or 17. And they remained M for over 50 years. Keep it up. Gives me a nice warm feeling

Still won't let him off the hook for making you wear a hair shirt for 2 years though. I'm all for baby steps and emotional coddling to a point but an R is a 50-50 deal. And that means we have to stand up for ourselves from time to time to reset an egregious imbalance in the balance of power.

That's right, I'm stirring the pot again. I even think I hear the lilting sound of steel drums and Bob Marley's melodic rasta intonations..."Sti-i-i-i-r It Up....little darling...Sti-i-i-i-r It Up..."

Okay, that's it. Clicking over to Yahoo Travel now for long overdue flights to Jamaica.

Ayree-ayree mon.

-Spleefmata-