I mean, I don't go anywhere outside of work and karate. I haven't been out with friends in a very, very long time. I don't know what more I can do aside from quit karate, which H would like very much. I won't do it
when is the last time you and H went out as a couple, with mutual friends? Be cautious of you and him avoiding others because of shame, ego, pride. Get out there together. Have your friends over.
There is quite a bit of affection. excellent.
It just seems that unless H can understand how it feels to want something that is out of his reach because of a wall that's been built, he isn't going to 'get it'.
returning a destructive wall with another wall is generally not the best way to handle men. In all likely hood your personalizing of his wall, and assumptions for the reason for it, is in error.
As time went on, it really did start to suck that we would have sex and not only was I not allowed to kiss him, making me feel slightly used
I understand. Also understand if kissing on the lips sends flashbacks of you with OM thru your H's mind, in whatever little fantasy he has conjured up, its not going to be very productive either. I see your H leaving after sex out of fear of vulnerability after intimacy, rather then punishing you.
Have you tried a direct approach. 'H I am working on repairing the damage caused by the A to our M. How long are you going to punish me, and both of us for it. Its been twwwoooo years now.'
Ask him. 'Do you want to hold on to the negative for the rest of our M?'
When is the last time you apologized, were remorseful, or reassured him? Oh yeah, the other night, with stigs suggestion. Nice going with that by the way. Dont forget though.
Sorry, but I disagree. My EA's were wrong, I didn't have any 'rights' and I sure as hell don't have many of those now either. Consequences. And there are consequences to H's poor decisions too. You are correct, except for the rights part. Its called free will. You justified the things you did somehow. Your H is doing the same. I said it was R damaging.
Try having your man immediately get up and go sleep somewhere else after sex. Those feelings weren't worth the sex.
Boy Ill have to agree. If a man gets up after I have had sex, the feelings I am going to have afterwards, wont be worth it.
H was talking about 'our' room and he said "Daddy's room, er Mommy and Daddy's room". S5 said 'It's *not* Mommy's room'. H said "All of her stuff is sure in there and she gets dressed in there".
Wow this is really positive.
I don't want to trick myself back into my bed because I think the feelings associated with being forced out will never really go away unless I'm actually invited back in. I need it to be a sign of healing as opposed to a scenario I've designed to get what I want.
This makes perfect sense, and you know what you need. You can still do little ice breakers to make his continued use of holding on to old hurts, a injury that only hurts him. When you dont personalize, his rejections will stare him in the face with there ridiculousness.
Is that pretty much standard thought? Another reason to be totally against that crap, particularly when it is going on behind the other partner's back. Have a R with pictures (most of which aren't even real, btw) to such a great extent that all of a sudden your W isn't good enough. Just freakin great. Argh.
Yes he knows they are not real. I seriously doubt that he considers you not good enough. Doesnt jive with the rest of his actions. Simmer down. Stigmata. Stop that. (smack) not helpful. Heathers H has managed to convey something to her, that both you and I failed at conveying to our W's. <embarassment, chagrin, a couple self flaggelating whips. ok done>
Heather your 180's are good. I like your plan of attack. I also like how you are handling the C sessions.
Who me?! Yes. You. Really though, after such a short time on my thread, what makes you think that? Not relevant. I guess I've always believed that a person can accomplish whatever they set out to do. ..... I work hard and I believe that hard work pays off. Good attitude. Your M will be a succes with that attitude.
