Am I Creating a SSM?

[heatherg]

Do not let your fear of rejection keep you from at least trying for a peck here and there. An idea. You hug him. Next time when you hug him, kiss him on his neck.

I am allowed to put my lips anywhere but on his. So I guess I shouldn't say I'm not allowed to kiss H because that perhaps sounds inclusive of everything. I'm not allowed to kiss him on the lips. Friday night, I DID kiss him on the lips though. It was a small peck on th lips, first time. He didn't have a strong reaction, only gave me a look, like 'you know you're not supposed to do that'.

IMO your MC needs to just stare at him and bluntly say,

"why won't you kiss your W?"

And,

"do you think punishing her this way is a solution? Why are you even coming to MC?"

During my individual session with the MC I asked her to take things slow with H and not to push him too hard. H will walk out never to return. Someone has to earn his respect before he will consider what they are saying. So, hopefully soon she can ask him such direct questions.

Heather. I want you to read this now that I have swapped H and S5. Do you see how this is a lot worse? Your H was on your side. If he had said what your S5 said do you see how this reads so much worse?

Maybe you're right. It's just that when I hear these things in a context like the discussion between S5 and H, it becomes apparent to me that I've normalized something that isn't normal at all and then when it's actually said out loud, the situation can't be denied.

And why are you saying/showing he's right?


Because it's a 180. I've read that when you stop arguing with someone and agree with them, they're more likely to change their mind on their own. Same principle as many people employ on the boards when their partner says they want a D. Eventually they learn to stop arguing against it because it gets them nowhere fast.

There are a million things I could think of to get in that bed.

I guess I have been waiting for it to be a R decision. I don't want to trick myself back into my bed because I think the feelings associated with being forced out will never really go away unless I'm actually invited back in. I need it to be a sign of healing as opposed to a scenario I've designed to get what I want.

You may now kis the bride" to the Ms because it's an empty gesture. It's a crucial symbol of your love and H needs to get over it

Look at that from my H's perspective and perhaps it becomes clearer why it's taking so long for him to get over it. Knowing that it is such a crucial symbol, he was very crushed that I could give that away to someone else. Nevertheless, I do agree that there is a time where one must decide that they can either get over it or they can't. Perhaps he hasn't really known the answer for sure and has just been taking one day at a time?

This may be the crack that tumbles his walls if he can look past his hurt and see what is right for the R and right for the children.

I hope you're right. All along though, H has maintained his stance that regardless of how it may be affecting the children that we don't get along like other couples and are sleeping in separate beds, it is not nearly as harmful for them as separating would be. So, either way, I think he sees our situation as the best way things can be right now. I have maintained that the greatest gift that anyone can give to their kids is two parents who love each other and make time for another above all else. Otherwise, anything else a family may build will eventually come crashing down.