Am I Creating a SSM?

[Stigmata]

Just thinking about doing this makes me very nervous. It's such a risk because he's really made it clear that kissing is a major issue for him. And of course, the fear of rejection is pretty big too. Sigh.

- Heather. I really feel for you about this. Your H's behavior is really starting to irk me. Your emotions; being made to feel "really nervous" about even kissing your own H.WTH?

<grinding teeth>

I wish I could have a man to man with your H on a car ride somewhere. X's mouth was involved in way worse than what you did and no way in hell I'm not gonna at least kiss her after 2 years; otherwise I would have left. Torturing both of us is sadistic/masochistic. IMO your MC needs to just stare at him and bluntly say,

"why won't you kiss your W?"

And,

"do you think punishing her this way is a solution? Why are you even coming to MC?"

Heather. Do not let your fear of rejection keep you from at least trying for a peck here and there. An idea. You hug him. Next time when you hug him, kiss him on his neck. You're face is already right there. I think the more small kisses you can steal the more his walls will start lowering since he realizes he can't whack you/scream at you for stealing a kiss or two on his neck, cheek etc.

Secondly, a fear of rejection would be normal if this were a normal denial on H's part. This isn't. This is very aberrent behavior from ANYONE. Thus you cannot personalize it. "It's not me. It's him. He's not rejecting me; he's punishing me because he's being selfish by wallowing in his anger and resentment."

In other words, Heather, it's all about him.

Kinda how MB and porn starts to dull the mental intensity over time unless the anty is upped with more and more tittilation.

I never really thought about that. Is that pretty much standard thought? Another reason to be totally against that crap, particularly when it is going on behind the other partner's back. Have a R with pictures (most of which aren't even real, btw) to such a great extent that all of a sudden your W isn't good enough. Just freakin great. Argh.

- Well, not standard thought as a rule. Many Ms are fine with the occasional porno...but it usually leads up to excitement for both the H and W/SO. But if he knows his secret enjoyment is bothering you in an area that hits so close to home (your sex issues) he might do well to be sensitive to that until your M issues are resolved and put back on track. Otherwise, if he knows it really upsets you his behavior is more selfish punishment to you.

Interesting thing happened today at lunch with H and the kids. S5 was talking about 'our' room and he said "Daddy's room, er Mommy and Daddy's room". H said 'It's *not* Mommy's room'. S5 said "All of her stuff is sure in there and she gets dressed in there". H said "It's not her room, she doesn't sleep in there".
As they had this discusion about whether or not it was my room too, I just sat there, couldn't look at either one of them. I don't know what to do. These types of situations bring up really, really bad feelings that make it difficult to keep on the 'good track'. I naturally want to pull back, create distance.

- Heather. I want you to read this now that I have swapped H and S5. Do you see how this is a lot worse? Your H was on your side. If he had said what your S5 said do you see how this reads so much worse?

Hang in there, girl. Don't pull away and detach. He's showing cracks in his walls

He is inherently saying that we are not ready to be sleeping in the same bed or kissing, so I am in return saying 'you're right.

- "Inherently" saying? No inherently. Get him to verbalize this to the MC in front of you. And why are you saying/showing he's right?

I would not leave that MC's office until I or MC asks him point blank:

"When will you be ready for your W to sleep in the same bed and to kiss her? This needs to be resolved right now. So let's have a specific timeframe. It's been 2 years already."

Right now, as I type this, S5 is sleeping in 'our' bed with H. And I will sleep on the couch as I do nearly every other night.
I am not having good feelings at all tonight. I'll just leave it at that I guess.

- Have you ever tried to just slide in bed with them while they're sleeping? There are a million things I could think of to get in that bed. "There was a noise outside my window, couldn't sleep. A draft. A light. A scary spider. An animal outside. The couch hurt my back and I wanted to be near someone. I had a bad dream I was all alone in an old haunted house. Etc."

Providing you even had to explain. I know when I'm sleeping I'm not gonna bother to kick someone out of bed and bother my sleep if I'm not pizzed off at them for something. I needs muh beauty rest and as long as you ain't lighting off M80s in the room anything less won't disturb me much.

Yes. Take things slow in the ML department. But that MC better get to the bottom of H's kissing denial.

Your his bride.

The preachers don't say "You may now kis the bride" to the Ms because it's an empty gesture. It's a crucial symbol of your love and H needs to get over it. IMO.

-Stigmata-