Am I Creating a SSM?

[heatherg]

If it weren't a big deal....why continue it? It doesn't make sense to me. Just trying to understand.


Good point. I think at the point he said that, I could have been more aggressive, but I really want it to be his decision. I don't want him to lead me into inviting myself back into my bed. His disallowing me there has really hurt our R and I think it would be best for healing that wound if he undid it himself. Know what I mean? I think I chose to sort of practice the validation thing there, just telling him that I understood and when he was ready he would know. I didn't leap to solve the problem. I don't really know if that was a good thing to do or not, but it was what felt right at the time.

Stop wondering and ask the man. Heather....don't be afraid to ask things of him. I read in your posts that you wonder this....or you wonder that.....ASK him.

I really am afraid I guess. One time (about 5 months ago)when we discussed the kissing thing, he told me it was forever. That was the beginning of a serious downward spiral because I know I can't live like that forever. Then in counseling, I addressed it again. We were getting along horribly, barely even speaking to one another and I looked at the counselor and said "You know, this is going to be tough, I know it is. But there's no point in wasting all of our time if H and I have different end goals. I cannot live the rest of my life in a M where there I am not allowed to kiss my H, that would be a show stopper for me. So, maybe we should just cut to the chase." So, the C looked at H and asked him if his goal was to have an intimate M with s strong emotional connection or something of that nature, and H said "Yeah, sure" in a tone that wasn't exactly determined, but wasn't nonchalant either. I should have pressed harder, because I wanted to be more specific than what the C said. I think she felt I was pressing too hard too soon. But at that point, I was truly prepared for either answer. Now that we are getting along so much better and I have hope again, I am afraid of the question because I am afraid of the answer.