"The no kissing thing is just this underlying rule that I comply with because I have no choice."
Well, you have a choice, but it isn't a particularly palatable one. You could continue to kiss him and either get rejected or at best tolerated. I guess I can understand why your H had this in place for a short time, but after awhile, it becomes his problem, not yours anymore. If someone is unwilling to forgive, especially a repentant partner, then they are mostly hurting themselves.
"only reason we are not in the same bed right now is because he never knows when things will go 'bad' again."
What does "go bad" mean? Does he fear another A on your part? Or does he fear an irrational response (like that lights on/head kicking event) on his part? I guess I don't understand that perspective.
"the only reason I would walk away would be because of his refusal to re-establish a mutually agreeable R with me."
Which is a perfectly good reason to separate, assuming that the disagreement is a valid one. I think refusing to sleep in the same bed, withholding affection that you need, and having an EC-less sexual experience are valid. NOTE: I am not saying you should separate, just that if you decide to, you have good reasons.
"a really miserable environment where I would fantasize about leaving pretty much every day."
Does he know that? If so does it affect him? If he is indifferent to you leaving, that says a lot.
"I'm just wondering if the other things will come in time?"
It is up to you to set an appropriate boundary and put some teeth in it. "Honey, I love you and I know that I am partially responsible for the strained relationship that we currently have. But I want to make it better. I cannot continue in the relationship as it currently stands." Sound about right?
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
