Am I Creating a SSM?

[heatherg]

At least he is going to C! That shows that he is willing and that is more and half the battle!

I know, I really feel the same way. His decision to go after being sooo adamant against going, said something significant to me.

Obviously some things need to be dealt with first, as foundational issues...but, don't quit C until all this is brought up.

This is a good point. I imagine some people start feeling better about their R and think they don't need to go anymore. We have many many years of resentment and anger and while I don't necessarily think we need to rehash it, we at least need to recognize it, how it happened and how to not repeat the same mistakes.

It doesn't sound like your H though is willing to forgive. And resentment will follow unforgiveness. Resentment is a root that will poision every other part of your marriage.

I doubt that I will ever hear the words 'I forgive you'...I don't know if H will ever really forgive me. I think at best, it will just be a decision to go forward. I hope that in time, by changing our patterns, that he can let go of most of the resentment he carries.

I'd try to give a DB Coach a call

I did call a DB coach a while back. I paid for three sessions though, so I still have two more. Back when I spoke to Chuck the first time, I think our issues were too complex. My R was abusive and controlling and every day in our home was close to excruciating. There wasn't much he could say. Or maybe there just wasn't much that I was willing to hear because I mostly just wanted H to disappear. I think I knew that unless he changed, I couldn't go on. And I couldn't bring myself to be kind or nice or gentle during a time when I was being treated so poorly. So he was going to need to stop the poor treatment before I could really roll up my sleeves. Now is that time. So yeah, I could probably really benefit from using those other two sessions right about now. Thanks!