Am I Creating a SSM?

[heatherg]

Ugh, I had a post that I put a lot of time into just disappear. Don't you hate that?!

It is pretty scary how similar our situations are.

I know, that's why I went back to read your old threads, I thought the same thing.

As Harley talks about, sex without affection and intimacy is hollow and actually damaging to an R,

I wouldn't say there is no affection. H is an affectionate person in general and sex is no different. I would not have ever described H as a 'get your rocks off' kind of guy. He was a virgin when I met him and it wasn't because of a lack of opportunity, he was just waiting for the right person. The no kissing thing is just this underlying rule that I comply with because I have no choice. As for not sleeping in the same bed, he recently said that it's not that big of a deal to him and that the only reason we are not in the same bed right now is because he never knows when things will go 'bad' again. That reason is very, very different from the reasons we were not sleeping in the same bed the last time we talked about it.

Your H is right to be upset by your A and what you did. And if he can't get over being upset (which is also certainly his right), then he should do the right thing and separate, especially since it is obvious that you do not want to live in an EC-less M.

I know. It was quite frustrating because if I were to leave, I would theoretically be the 'WAS', but in essence, the only reason I would walk away would be because of his refusal to re-establish a mutually agreeable R with me. His refusal to that along with his refusal to leave or work with me for a plan for me to leave was very hard and created a really miserable environment where I would fantasize about leaving pretty much every day. It was quite the catch 22.

A healthy M is one in which all the key elements are present and mix together. Sex is not the icing on the cake. Trying to separate out sex from the other parts of a healthy M is like trying to bake a cake with no sugar.

I'm just wondering if the other things will come in time? H said for him, sex is an extension of the progress we've made and would only make things better. I can't decipher if those are the words of someone who is sexually frustrated or if those are sincere thoughts.