Am I Creating a SSM?

[heatherg]

DO NOT STUFF what you are feeling.

I haven't really stuffed my feelings, it's just that there are some issues that it doesn't appear that we are going to be able to come to a solution on because H is not willing to change his mind on those issues, primarily where S5 is concerned. H knows how I feel, but he doesn't seem to be willing to work toward a solution. So, when I said I will probably let some sleeping dogs lie, I didn't really mean that I won't talk about how I feel, but that I don't think I should try to push things farther than that right now.

You do NOT need to show remorse.

That is all H has wanted to see from the very beginning. He has consistently said that I may be sorry, but I haven't been sorry to him. I don't really know what that means and when I have asked in the past, he would only say "I don't know, but I can tell you I haven't seen it yet". One of the first things H wanted me to do after I revealed the A was to create a list of things I would do better or wouldn't do anymore, etc. He has most definitely been looking for remorse.

Justice is paying for a crime once.

Wouldn't that be nice? Unfortunately it doesn't seem very realistic, especially when we're dealing with people who have been hurt so deeply that they cannot see past their own pain. Their anger seems to drive them to do/say things that give them temporary relief from that pain and unfortunately it just seems to be a downward spiral. I think H and I are finally breaking out of that spiral and I cannot tell you how good it feels to get some relief from that constant tension!!!

Suffering is paying for the same crime over and over again.

This is where H and I have been for the last two years. Like I said above, it seems that his anger and his pain have controlled him to such an extent that the only reprieve he could get was to make me suffer and pay the consequences for my actions. H seems to be making so much progress that I really think he may be moving past this now.

I will post more a little later. I am in Orlando for a business conference and the schedule is quite busy~I'm off to Universal Studios now for an organized event. Fun!