Someone mentioned your name to me in regard to my own sitch, so when I saw your post here I immediately read it. I can see similarities between your H and mine. They both seem to be control freaks and both are holding onto resentment big-time. I do not like the way your H is behaving. This punishing behaviour cannot go on and on, there has to be some sort of limit. I think you need to ask, whether at C session, or just on your own exactly what he is looking for from you before he will be able to start kissing you, letting you back in the bed etc. I know you feel guilty for what you did but you are accepting way to much punishing behaviour from him.
He really does seem to have the upper hand here, YOU did something bad therefore he totally gets to call the shots. When sentence is handed down they usually tell you how long you've got with time off for good behaviour! By the sound of this you have no idea how long it might go on for. When you say your R is cyclical that kind of rings alarm bells for me too. Have you checked out anything about borderline personality disorder? Might be worth a look.
take care
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
