Quote: Wow, does that sound familiar. I glared and I did now what I was doing. I made no efforts to conceal my disdain for him. You're right, the resentment is hard, danm hard, to get past, so I do have a tast for what H is experiencing. The A compounded everything and made everything 20X more complex. After it was revealed, I no longer had rights to feel the way I felt because I needed to instantly start showing remorse.
WHOA. Hold the phone. DO NOT STUFF what you are feeling. You do NOT need to show remorse. Justice is paying for a crime once. Suffering is paying for the same crime over and over again. You express remorse. You display and show that you are serious about your commitment by demonstrating your sincerity and trust every day.
To feel like you HAVE to do something is inviting trouble. You cannot be honest when under these conditions. Freely express your emotions with respect, honor and integrity. Afterall, it takes two people to make a marriage, and two people to rip it appart.
Be accountable for your decisions and actions, absolutely. But that does NOT mean you have to pay for the rest of your life.
Quote: It's been the hardest few years of my life for sure and there is much that is unresolved between us.
I'd say it is because you two are still not being honest with one another. MC will help.
Quote: In our R, so much transpired before the cheating, it seems to have resulted in a situation where I've actually been the one entertaining thoughts of leaving for the most part.
It is as important for him to realize what he did to contribute to the dismantling of your R as you did. No, he did not force you to have an A. But everything that occurred up to that point he most certainly DID contribute to.
Quote: I don't mean to paint such a negative picture. I want to try to leave the bad stuff in the past as much as possible, although it does still instill fear in me to broach certain subjects or say or do certain things. In this case, since I want to make things work, it's probably better just to let some of these sleeping dogs lie.
THIS is the exact problem. THIS dynamic between the two of you is the problem. Nothing has changed in your R.... challenging someone is not necessarily a struggle for power... and rather than say 'challenge him' I suppose the best way to put it is "defend YOU." Defend your boundaries. And if he gets pissy with you, that is HIS problem.
This is going to be uncomfortable for you... but hopefully you will see it as the discomfort associated with personal growth.
You cannot do unto others as you would have them do unto you (respect, honor, integrity, etc.) if you do not FIRST respect, honor, and trust yourself.
