It's not so uncommon to go from not speaking to discussing sex...it's whatever works for the two of you. You know it's entirely possible he doesn't "intend" to punish you heather...but the kind of hurt he's going through does make it difficult to not be resentful of you. Resentment can lead people to do things that would appear to the other person as "punishing"...is it right, no...does it happen...yes. Please know I'm not bashing you upside the head here...just giving you a different perspective. I remember back with my XH when he was drinking...I resented his drinking sooooo much, I couldn't look at him without glaring. Did I do that intentionally no, but I did it nonetheless.....one day when I turned and looked at him he took 3 steps back and I was completely unaware of what I was doing.
Resentment is a hard thing to work through, so do try to be patient with him. The pain from an affair goes very deep Heather. This is just my perspective, but I wouldn't hesitate to say that the person who cheated has an easier time moving past things than the partner who was cheated on. I would definitely broach his punishing behavior in your counseling sessions though, your C will be able to help him try to get past that resentment, to let it go and see what he's doing is just as destructive to your R. It's my suspicion that he's simply not letting that resentment go....especially since he's fixating on "things". Not letting you sleep in your own bed after 2-years, refusing to ride in your car.
Heather...just posing a question here, but why don't you just go into your own room and sleep in your own bed? What would happen if you refused to leave it? I notice he's had some abusive behavior in the past, would he forcibly remove you? Or would it be possible for you to say something like....this is my bed too and I'm not going anywhere? Just curious. You may have to stand up for yourself a bit. I know you were the one to step out, but it's been 2-years....I'm assuming your behavior has been consistently trustworthy ever since. Maybe it's time for you to start standing up for your rights in the R too.
