Ill preface by saying I dont wonder at all why you want another. Ok, got that out of the way.
I don't think the timed intercourse has helped the SSM problem. H loves children and would dearly like another
I mentioned stuff like this, before. From your reply in the past, I dont think I was clear. You and your H seem pretty (ha-just a tad) busy. You have lots on your plate. I personally still dont understand all the mental/physical/financial gyrations and what seems to me forcing a pregnancy.
Have you ever thought about just letting it all go. everything. I understand NFP and taking temps yada yada, when you want to AVOID pregnancy.
But if you want to get preggers, well it seems to happen pretty regulary without anyones keeping an eye on things. KWIM? Your H wants to have a kid. Cool. Your ok with it. Cool How about just telling your H if you want to have a kid then lets boink like bunnies untill it happens. Or H lets chill out and just have sex whenever we want too. (may kill a couple birds with one stone) If it does happen great. If not ....well give it a couple months... or more. depends on how HD you really are. LOL. The fertility stuff is a serious time investment too. Seriously.
Just 'get it on' often, and let nature take its course. Seems cheaper, funnier (yeah I said that), and time spent in a better place bed, bathroom, shower, office, wherever, then the clinic.... with needles, and poking and proddings... the wrong kind.
seems like NFP to me. letting it go. lettin it happen.
I think blackfoot has an excellent point. You have said a few times that your H really wants a baby (I know you do too). If your H really wants a baby, then let him step up to the plate OFTEN, daily even, or multiple times a day, and do what MEN do to make a baby. Psychologically put the responsibility on HIM to put out-- not just for YOU but to create what HE wants. Might shift things around emotionally. At least try it that way-- DAILY-- for a reasonable period of time.
Actually guys that was supposed to be the idea (more or less) during the last year. Through our recent diagnostic testing it was gently explained to us that given the diagnostic factors we have about a 3% chance to get pg naturally any given month. With limited intervention (IUI) that chance jumps to 18%, with IVF (which we are not currently considering) the chance becomes 50%. So the end product of a "fruck like minks and see what happens" plan is very small chance of success, very distinct chance of each feeling like breeding dogs, show ponies, you name it AND certain chance of regular disappointment as the months roll on and the relative fertility of each of us decreases. I actually think that deciding on doing some limited intervention has been freeing for both of us sexually. It is totally counterintuitive but there it is.
BF - yes our plate is completely full, over full in fact. I do think that this is a large part of the problem. However, H and I had a very frank discussion about the kind of support I will need while taking these hormones etc... I explained to him that I don't need support like making dinner, cleaning house, dealing with the kids, I will need direct, emotional support - loving behavior, conversation, hugs, kisses etc... I think he heard me and he was ready to hear me because he was already being much more interactive with me and so it didn't sound like a really wide gulf to try to fill.
OK - go ahead and say it - the current efforts on H's part are probably not a permanent condition, he will slack off at some point and then I will back here whining. Well, I know that but I am just trying to enjoy it.
Quote: OK - go ahead and say it - the current efforts on H's part are probably not a permanent condition, he will slack off at some point and then I will back here whining. Well, I know that but I am just trying to enjoy it.
I will continue my new stock market analogy on your thread. Maybe your husband (like mine due to personality quirks) is the kind of stock that has a very irregular pattern of profits or pricing. If this worries you and causes you to obsessively check the stock market results every 5 minutes then you are likely to behave in ways that are counterproductive. You will do the relationship equivalent of selling when the price is low and buying when the price is high. OTOH, if you tell yourself that you are invested in this stock for the long haul for good reasons and you stop pressuring management to show regular profits on a quarterly basis at the expense of long-term earnings through intelligent use of capital and R&D, you may find yourself becoming more satisfied with your investment in the not too distant future. Otherwise, the pressure to meet market expectations might prove so overwhelming that your H's company might buy back its own stock and take itself off the market in order to have more control over operations.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Ahhhhhhhh Mojo - I am a rare breed of stockholder. The long term performance of the market as a whole is good. So...I plan to hold stocks in a balanced portfolio over the long haul. My H is a good company with good long term prospects and as such is a "keeper." Any obsessive price checking is my problem not that of the management of that company. However, you are correct in that the amount of the stock that I hold in that company can be bought for a low or high price and at times I have bought high, at times I have bought low. So far, the average price/share has been reasonable. I haven't given away my personhood yet!
Quote: Anybody remember the good ol' days when the strangest thing about Mojo was that she liked eggplant?
Yeah, it's probably true that being sex-starved was the only thing that kept me from being a total nerd.
BTW, I'm wondering when you're going to invite your W to join this BB so she can meet all sorts of nerdy female peers who happen to be HD so we can all convince her she should put out?
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Have you ever thought about just letting it all go. everything. I understand NFP and taking temps yada yada, when you want to AVOID pregnancy.
But if you want to get preggers, well it seems to happen pretty regulary without anyones keeping an eye on things. KWIM? Your H wants to have a kid. Cool. Your ok with it. Cool How about just telling your H if you want to have a kid then lets boink like bunnies untill it happens. Or H lets chill out and just have sex whenever we want too. (may kill a couple birds with one stone) If it does happen great. If not ....well give it a couple months... or more. depends on how HD you really are. LOL. The fertility stuff is a serious time investment too. Seriously.
Just 'get it on' often, and let nature take its course. Seems cheaper, funnier (yeah I said that), and time spent in a better place bed, bathroom, shower, office, wherever, then the clinic.... with needles, and poking and proddings... the wrong kind.
seems like NFP to me. letting it go. lettin it happen.
Ok, this is really, REALLY bad advice, and acutally quite offensive to anyone who either has, or has had a fertility problem. Its dismissive of the fact that there IS IN FACT, a problem. Infertility is very "real". its not in your head. its not simply a matter of "boinking like bunnies". People don't go through this process without doing all that, first. you go to the doc when "let it happen" didn't work. It is caused by very real, very legitimate medical problems that require professional medical intervention to overcome.
there. I had to say it. I mean no offense (and I know you didn't, either), but you can't possibly understand this unless you've been through it. so, best to just let it go.
Now..Karen: your "success rate" numbers are WAY off. more realistically, the success rates are half of what you stated. 25% success w/ ivf, at the very best clinics. iui...very much lower. One thing that set off an alarm for me is the mention that your DH is a tri-athlete. The alarm gets very much louder now that you've mentioned mc's. Since fertility doc's (RE's) are essentially "gynecologists", they tend to ignore the male 50% of the fertility equation. I know, they SAY they don't...but they do. Believe me, I've been there. They totally ignored an obvious male-factor issue with me, that almost did us in. This, like other things, was something that can NOT be seen with a simple semen analysis. The number, movement, and shape of sperm is NOT enough information to form a diagnosis of a man's fertility...but often, thats all they do. There is a relatively new test that looks directly at the quality of the sperm's DNA, which has a direct correlation on fertility. The problem that this test looks for can be the cause of mc's...very early mc's or "chemical pregnancies", because the male dna doesn't start to come into play for several days after fertilization. So a positive pg can result, but fail very very early. One of the things that can cause this problem with dna is heat. it damages the dna. The male reproductive system is very heat sensitive...and triathlets tend to have theirs exposed to a fair amount of it. particularly if they use a hot-tub after a workout...but even without that, the activity, the clothing, the exercise, which can only be described as "extreme", is enough to heat up the boyz beyond their normal limit. if this is a problem, and heat is the source, he'd have to stop this kind of activity for 3 months to even begin to see a difference. might take even longer before a stock of unaffected sperm can be manufactured...which is alot to give up for someone so athleticly inclined. couple of links where you can read about it: http://www.ivf.com (I've talked w/ Dr. Perloe at length about this stuff).
You have made some very good points here. However, the numbers given by the RE were specifically based upon OUR situation not the averages. We are in a secondary infertility situation and my numbers are all very good -my age isn't.
H has not had the test you mentioned and if we can't get things done through IUI after a try or two it might be worth pursuing. H is a triathlete but runs the short distance ones, doesn't train at the kind of level you are talking about and doesn't wear the traditional triathlete gear (his shorts are loose running shorts, not bike shorts) and no he doesn't hot tub afterward. So...his activity level is unlikely to be the culprit. The doc seems to believe that the mc's are likely due to egg quality (given that I usually get and stay pregnant easily but that I was younger then - DS14, DD8, DDalmost 2). I do agree that male factor isn't looked into that seriously and I do think that more testing of H might be in order if things don't work out.
Do you plan to try for another? My heart honestly goes out to people who are having to really go for broke with all of this fertility stuff because it really sux. And it isn't a matter of relax and let it happen or have more sex and it will happen. For a lot of people it takes a great deal of intervention. I have a friend who will need donor sperm and a donor egg to make it work - she has a problem and her H has a DNA problem too.
Karen
BF,
How HD am I really? Let's just say if I could use all this as an excuse to make H boink me daily I would. Unfortunately, I know too much about statistics, biology and ob/gyn - it would be a misrepresentation of our chances to have another child. Otherwise, I would just say, "Hey H, I heard that if we do it everyday our chances would triple!"
...However, the numbers given by the RE were specifically based upon OUR situation not the averages. We are in a secondary infertility situation and my numbers are all very good -my age isn't. H has not had the test you mentioned and if we can't get things done through IUI after a try or two it might be worth pursuing. H is a triathlete but runs the short distance ones, doesn't train at the kind of level you are talking about and doesn't wear the traditional triathlete gear (his shorts are loose running shorts, not bike shorts) and no he doesn't hot tub afterward. So...his activity level is unlikely to be the culprit. The doc seems to believe that the mc's are likely due to egg quality (given that I usually get and stay pregnant easily but that I was younger then - DS14, DD8, DDalmost 2). I do agree that male factor isn't looked into that seriously and I do think that more testing of H might be in order if things don't work out.
cool. as long as you know the score. back to the stock broker analogies: "past performance isn't an indicator of future results" that's another thing that is often overlooked, in both men AND women, but particularly men who have fathered children in the past...fertility is "assumed", which is really silly. "that was then, this is NOW." duh. things change!! so do medications...which was my problem. they just totally ignored the fact that I was taking a very common blood pressure medication, that is *known* to inhibit fertilization, and is being investigated as a future male birth control pill. I had to find this out for myself...when I confronted the doc with the info, she said, ".......(long pause)....oops". anyway...I digress... the thing about the scsa test is that its cheap (like a couple-hundred bucks) and easy. way cheaper than the actually $$ cost of an iui...let alone the angst that goes along with it.
Quote:
Do you plan to try for another? My heart honestly goes out to people who are having to really go for broke with all of this fertility stuff because it really sux. And it isn't a matter of relax and let it happen or have more sex and it will happen. For a lot of people it takes a great deal of intervention. I have a friend who will need donor sperm and a donor egg to make it work - she has a problem and her H has a DNA problem too.
nope we're done. lucky we got 1. she's 43 now, doesn't want to go through all that again...probably couldn't if we wanted to. She has other medical issues that made the pg very tough on her, even without the age thing.
LOL. The fertility stuff is a serious time investment too. 
Maybe your husband (like mine due to personality quirks) is the kind of stock that has a very irregular pattern of profits or pricing. If this worries you and causes you to obsessively check the stock market results every 5 minutes then you are likely to behave in ways that are counterproductive. You will do the relationship equivalent of selling when the price is low and buying when the price is high. OTOH, if you tell yourself that you are invested in this stock for the long haul for good reasons and you stop pressuring management to show regular profits on a quarterly basis at the expense of long-term earnings through intelligent use of capital and R&D, you may find yourself becoming more satisfied with your investment in the not too distant future. Otherwise, the pressure to meet market expectations might prove so overwhelming that your H's company might buy back its own stock and take itself off the market in order to have more control over operations.
I had to find this out for myself...when I confronted the doc with the info, she said, ".......(long pause)....oops".