Fred/Freud - all depends on the quality of the analysis.
Stig - pretty Freud worthy. That was pretty much my interpretation. I appreciate your other comments. I think you are on the money for the most part.
However, you asked whether I have tried just going for what I want. Yes, I have. The results have been wildly mixed. Sometimes H is "up" for the couple of times/week plan. Sometimes he is put out/pressured/grumpy about it. Sometimes he is passive agressive about it - he won't say he doesn't want to but will provide only minimal participation. The less enthusiastic he is, the more my ego-alarm bells go off and I shut down, become resentful, get frightened and basically completely lose my sense of otherness (FOO, ex-H blah blah blah).
HD - that was definate Fred in the Lay-Z-Boy (tee hee) interpretation.
I feel a good change in the wind though. I think the fact that I didn't chase H when we went on vacation, that I haven't chased him since has removed pressure, caused him to miss me, and left room for him to initiate. So Friday and Saturday night the baby was miserable, wouldn't go to sleep and H said in frustration - gee, I had hoped we would have sex tonight. Then he had a "chat" with DD and we decided she needed to cry it out a bit. Her sleep cycle has been disrupted with the vacation and she isn't on track again yet. So, on Sunday night we put her down and she cried about 35 minutes and slept ALL NIGHT. Again, H came to bed and said "I really want to go to bed early on Monday night so we can have sex but it won't last long because...well, you know and then maybe Thursday." Of course, I said that sounds great, what's wrong with now? He said too tired, blah, blah, blah. This is progress. I really don't think that these were empty promises. H doesn't do too much empty promising. If he doesn't follow through I will have to say something but for now, this is progress and the best part is that I didn't prompt it...
In the pat when I have had this happen I have thanked H, told him how much it means to me or something like that. Well, I have learned that to H this kind of "praise" actually sends a negative/evalutative message of some kind. Anyone have a suggestion for showing "appreciation" without having that kind of message.
It is two steps forward and three back but hearing the guys on here sometimes say - "Hey I'm an HD guy and that makes sense to me or even sounds like me" when I talk about things H says or does helps a lot. Thanks.
