Quote: My fave, "Did you two just step out of a bathtub full of rainbows this morning?"
LOL. Well, this proves that HD women aren't all alike. I would think it was cute if anyone said this to my baby, but if it was directed at me I would wonder whether the guy managed a Hallmark store or played Kermit in the local production of Sesame Street Live and be pretty much the opposite of turned on.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I didn't say it was a turn-on; I said it was the best line I'd ever heard, meaning it was different, beautiful, memorable, unusual, showed some thought, several cuts above "hey baby, lookin' good." Imaginative in that he did not JUST compliment Karen or JUST compliment the baby, but included both of them in a way acknowledged both but that did not slight either.
Gee, JJ, is sex the only thing you ever think about?
Yeah, it didn't turn me on either but unfortunately just served to highlight the sitch that I am in - I got compliments from regular to hey baby to rather outlandish from complete strangers whom I could give a sh!t about but can't seem to inspire the same in my husband, whom I love and want to be complimented by. If my H said it, it might turn me on rather than inspiring the "Aaaaaaaaw, how cute response."
Currently, things are ok but I am still dealing with my disappointment about how our trip went down. I am worried that things are about to get worse too - we will be doing an IUI (intrauterine insemination) cycle next month which will require me to take hormones. H has NO IDEA what we are getting into with this. He goofed around with the baby and made jokes with the Doctor the entire time. He looked a little like the teenager who avoids the subject and your eyes due to embarrassment and discomfort. I told H that we will need to talk later. He needs to understand the degree of mental/physical discomfort that I will be in due to the drugs, the extra support that I will need emotionally etc... I honestly think that he has no idea. My other (rational or irrational?) fear is that as long as we were trying to have a baby the old fashioned way then we maintained some sex life. What happens when it is being done primarily by turkey baster? (I think they ask you do have IC on one particular day during the cycle about two days before he has to give his "sample."
Oh yes, I certainly do. I'm not sure he registers it though.
Lil,
I answered this a long while back from Gel. We want to have another because we love each other, we love our family and we love children. We are in our late 30's and time if of the essence if we want to do it at all. DDalmost2 is H's only biological child. Having children of his own is a lifelong dream of his. I have three biological children and well understand that dream. I have enjoyed each and every baby more than the last. Increased maternal age has done nothing but increase my enjoyment of the crumb crushers. Every conceivable part of my parntership with H works very well, nearly perfectly, save for the sexual/romantic piece. I will not end this M over that.
However, I will never stop trying to get what I want out of the M either so this is a double edged sword for H - I won't go through another divorce but I won't "settle" either. So Lil, we want a baby because we want to love a baby, raise a baby, enjoy a baby and the child, young adult and adult that he/she will become. I have every reason to believe that we will do it together for the rest of our lives. It is pretty much that simple.
H and I have some discussing to do though. This fertility crap will be hard on me and I need him to understand and help.
I understand completely. I have four children and I had them all early (starting when I was 22). I would have liked to have another a bit later in life as I've learned and grown quite a lot. Not that I've been a bad or aloof parent. I'd like to think I've done pretty darn well, just that experience and patience that comes with age would make the experience even better. That is no longer an option as W is recovering from a hysterectomy. Oh well, grandkids won't be too far off. My kids are 19, 18, 16, & 14. I'll make a great "pop pop".
Gone the carvings and those who left their mark. Gone the kings and queens, now only the rats hold sway.
I didn't mean to sound so challenging... I envy you the certainty of your desire. I, sadly I believe, never had the maternal urge at the right time and place. When my H and I first married, I was 40, he was 49, headed for kidney failure and he had already had a vasectomy. For about fifteen minutes on one certain day, I seriously considered trying to get pregnant by AS. I imagined a life with a child of my own and it was lovely. When I talked about it to my H, he wasn't all that keen on the idea. I remember those fifteen minutes as being ecstatically happy, but I quickly put it away. Motherhood is a dream I've never really allowed myself. I was raised to believe that motherhood was something other girls could aspire to, but I was not entitled to it.
Of course all we talk about on this board is out discontent with the SL, so your discontent comes out stronger than your contentedness, and it seems that adding another baby to the mix would only complicate things further and put your ideals for the R even farther out of reach.
But truly, for me to be in a R, wanting a baby, and for my partner to want a baby too, and for me to be capable of getting pregnant-- for all those things to be in place at the same time is something I have never been able to imagine for myself (as commonplace as that scenario is for others...).
I can understand how it can happen that things just don't line up to create the circumstances for motherhood. I have been lucky in that regard. Likewise, I do understand why wanting another baby would be unfathomable to some given my sadness and discontent in our sexual R. However, I think sometimes I get so unhappy/baffled about the sexual R precisely because the rest works so well. H and I have an uncanny ability to parent together. We rarely argue over childrearing issues and I know that my H is a wonderful Dad. Strangely, granting his "wish" to have more biological children doesn't move us any further from my goals in my mind although I am concerned that the medical aspect isn't really helpful. During my last pregnancy H seemed to find me generally fascinating and lovely. It was quite romantic and very sexual. Now, a screaming baby does (for a time) tend to make things challenging but since I'm not going anywhere and neither is H we have time to work on it. Sometimes I think the biggest mistake I make is lack of patience.
Lil, I don't mind the challenge. I have asked myself that very question. I also wanted to mention that it is never too late to parent. You may not have the option of biological parenthood but you can be a Godmother, Aunt, Foster parent, Big sister etc... There are so many kids in need of guidance and you are such a loving, caring person you would be wonderful at it. Didn't you say that BF had children? Are you close to them?
Yeah, it didn't turn me on either but unfortunately just served to highlight the sitch that I am in - I got compliments from regular to hey baby to rather outlandish from complete strangers whom I could give a sh!t about but can't seem to inspire the same in my husband, whom I love and want to be complimented by. If my H said it, it might turn me on rather than inspiring the "Aaaaaaaaw, how cute response."
H doesn't compliment you?
Your answer:. From earlier post
She has this dreamy, orgasmic look on her face whenever she is with him. Anyway, H says, "I wish I could make a woman look like that, preferably Karen."
- No, not a classic, traditional compliment. But one in the same. And a big one IMO. Will explain in a bit...
Well, how could he if he doesn't even try? The alien was, of course, a master of seduction...he knew what to say, what to do, how to look in her eyes, touch her until she was "quivering with desire" (a nod to the bodice ripper books we women love).
-Another direct answer. Next time use this first sentence on him directly right after he says the "wish" comment. Or perhaps a condensed version of something like the following
"Well he [horny alien mack daddy] can do that because he gets a lot of practice. So you’ve got a lot of catching up to do, hot Earth man. You can be my personal alien sex fiend anytime. And even if you don’t think I look like those women I feel that way on the inside. You’ve got skills, baby. So use them on me before you lose them.” [sidebar: All Ms please take notice of Karen's "he knew what to do" and bodice ripping comments. Beat it into your heads if you have to.]
Is all of this issue in this M that H sees himself as inept? Could that explain what happens here? What do I do with that?
No, he’s not saying he’s inept. Too strong. What you do with that--Back to H’s “compliment.” (yes, that’s what it was)
"I wish I could make a woman look like that, preferably Karen."
- Let me M translate or “Manslate LOL
“When I’m with my hot W sometimes I feel like a Corvette mechanic looking at an Ferrari. I have skills but I’m not sure she’s getting what she wants out of me.” (sorta like GEL’s H’s jet analogy)
Believe me, Karen, H is well aware he is with someone who draws compliments even if it doesn’t appear that way. And the reason this is such an high compliment from him is that he opened himself up, dropped his “me man” defenses, and vocalized an insecurity. He was actually fishing for you to reassure him via boosting his ego about his insecurity.
As I said, next time jump on a comment like that with what you wrote here (ie, why don’t you try? Or the example of the smut novels )
or amp up his ego with something similar to what I suggested to say back to him.
-Stigmata-
PS. LOL on the Sesame Street actor comment on the “bathtub of rainbows” comment, Mojo. Karen, when I read that I was actually picturing it coming from an young M inside a big purple dinosaur suit, preceded with a lot of )paw? Hand? Claw?) to his own cheeks grasping and a lot of “Gaaawwwrrrsh!s)
Then walking away singing that song that used to drive me insane (I have a lot of nieces).
“I wish all the raindrops were lemon drops and gum drops.
Oh what a rain that would be;
Standing outside with my mouth open wide,
Ahh-ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah-ah-ahhh.” LOL
The difference between a warrior and an ordinary man is the warrior views everything as a challenge; the ordinary man views everything as either a blessing or a curse.
-Yaqui shaman Don Juan-
...and that holds 2x true for nice guy wussies, DJ
) 
)