the fact is that for you to be fully aware of and in full enjoyment of your dancing ability, you must dance with a well-matched partner. That's it Lil! I am rarely satisfied with my SL with my H for that very reason. I think some others on this board could relate to the dancing analogy too. You are not fully aware of your sexual potential, nor can you fully enjoy it, unless your partner brings it out in you. Sigh. Makes tons of sense but....so what now? Can you teach your partner to dance like Fred Astaire, Ginger Rogers? Some people just have rhythm and some dont. So I guess I need to accept him stepping on my toes every now and then and just keep practicing. Be happy progress is being made even if we never will win Dancing with the Stars. Lol
Quote from fabulous new memoir "Eat Pray Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert:
Quote: One thing I do know about intimacy is that there are certain natural laws which govern the sexual experience of two people, and that these laws cannot be budged any more than gravity can be negotiated with. To feel physically comfortable with someone else's body is not a decision you can make. It has very little to do with how two people think or act or talk or even look. The mysterious magnet is either there, buried somewhere deep behind the sternum, or it is not. When it isn't there (as I have learned in the past, with heartbreaking clarity) you can no more force it to exist than a surgeon can force a patient's body to accept a kidney from the wrong donor. My friend Annie says it all comes down to one simple question: "Do you want your belly pressed against this person's belly forever-- or not?"
I don't think the heavy stuff is gonna come down for quite a while...
[smash cut of horizontal sheets of solid rain and hurricane-force winds]
-S-
The difference between a warrior and an ordinary man is the warrior views everything as a challenge; the ordinary man views everything as either a blessing or a curse.
-Yaqui shaman Don Juan-
...and that holds 2x true for nice guy wussies, DJ
Quote: the fact is that for you to be fully aware of and in full enjoyment of your dancing ability, you must dance with a well-matched partner.
I don't disagree, but there is a tendency to mix-up the desire to have a dance partner with the fear that you will have a terrible time at the ball if you don't arrive with your dance card already filled.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Quote: a terrible time at the ball if you don't arrive with your dance card already filled
This is where the analogy breaks down, because in a dancing situation, you CAN go to a ball where other partners are available, presumably other GOOD partners for you. IRL in a committed R, you've promised to dance only with THIS partner.
Anyway, this analogy was meant to address the issue of experiencing yourself as sexual in the absence of a partner (which believe me, I can do)-- however to experience yourself as a sexual PARTNER, you have to have a PARTNER.
Fine, you have rights to all the Bill Murray lines but I'm claiming Ted Knight.
It's easy to grin / When your ship comes in / And you've got the stock market beat. / But the man worthwhile, / Is the man who can smile, / When his shorts are too tight in the seat...
