H - Eat your Oatmeal cookie

[MJontheMend]

So, I take it, Mojo, that you credit your shift in philosophy with making you happier in your sl and likely, happier in general. I feel as if I can shift the philopsophy and then I will just become more philosophical about not being happy.

LOL. The thing is I didn't set out to reconcile myself to my situation by using philosophy. I tried to figure out how to make myself happier in my situation and after the fact I realized that I did it by applying philosophy. I should explain that I went through some pretty unhappy phases with my relationship after I left the board before I got to my current good state of mind. I didn't just give up initiating sex, I gave up initiating anything to which I received a negative response and then observed my own emotional reactions.

Example:
MM: Good morning!

H: grunt

Back in my wimpy days, my natural response to this would have been to wonder if my H was upset with me and maybe ask him what was wrong. During my angry phase, my response would have been to get p*ssed off and think "Why do I put up with this sh*t." and confront him about his disrespectful behavior. Now I just assume he is in a bad mood for some reason that may or may not have anything to do with me and I feel sorry for him because he is unable to control his grumpy behavior and will now have to offer up some sort of token of apology before he will be able to engage in pleasant interaction with me. I remain happy because I feel strong and control my own emotional reactions, not because I am able to control or change his emotional state or reactions to me.