Quote: I see one problem, and the one that probably cause him to feel like you were lecturing him like a mother is that you put yourself in a position to KNOW what is wrong and you were basically TELLING him about it. He probably resented being told something he either already knew or doesn't agree with.
I understand this now, after the fact. We did actually talk about how it is good to talk with a counselor as I have no idea that I am coming off as a condescending, controlling Parent. An unobjective counselor can put me in my place without me getting defensive.
Quote: I just think that most of us need to understand how we sound to our spouses. While we think we are merely sharing, much like we do here every day, a great new revelation about our R with our spouse, it may come off as controlling and condescending. We get so wrapped up in being the "one" to fix all this that we forget that they have their own set of beliefs, feelings and yes, believe it or not, ideas about what went wrong. Hell, they may even have an idea or two about how to make things work.
Again, this is so true of me and not only in my R with my H. I also have a tendency to do this with my kids. I am a "fixer" and deep down I guess I feel that I am the only one that can do things right. For example, if I ask my girls to make their beds I go in after them and fix it to my liking - this is giving them the message that what they do is not good enough.
I have to realize that everything is not all about me. It looks like I am back to square one. I will reread DB/DR and make an appointment with my C to work on me and me only.
