Update: We talked more. I told him that I think our underlying issue has been lack of an intimate relationship. I believe that men pride themselves on their ability to please their wifes sexually. This is where my issues come in; after the kids I got fat so I had a poor body image and was self conscious about it, A lower sex drive, performance anxiety. Therefore I really never initiated and lots of times when my H did I turned him down.
Now that the opportunity for intimacy is gone, is when I really want it. Too late for that. Anyway, I believe the rejection slowly built up walls of insecurity around my H. It really did a number on his self-esteem that combined with the fact that he thinks I was having sex all the time before we met. He asked me if I was attracted to him (of course I am) but for him to ask me must mean he didn't know. Anyway, he got a little frustrated with the conversation because again he thought that I was treating him like a child and I was his Mom telling him what to do. I backed off. A while later he said, he does love me and why can't we just be friends and be happy, he doesn't want to fight with me. He really thinks that talking to someone by himself is a good idea so I hope he pursues that in the very near future.
I really do have to step back and detach myself a bit because this is starting to seem like pursuit. I will start going back to my counselor to work on my control issues again.
