Wow, you might not see it, but this is really great. First, he is being honest with you about how difficult it is for him to try to talk to you. Second, he sounds as though he wants to see someone by himself -- which is probably exactly what he needs right now.
Now is your chance to validate and be supportive.
Validate his need to have someone to talk to without the added pressure of dealing with your emotional needs. Be supportive by telling him you think he is strong for being willing to work with someone individually.
"H, I thought alot about what you said, and you are right. I can see how it must be very hard for you to process things while trying to deal with my defensiveness and hurt feelings. Now really is a time for you to have someone to talk to for your own sake. I'm glad you recognize that and pointed it out to me. I agree that it really makes sense for me not to be a part of you seeing someone right now. I really appreciate your honesty in telling me — it makes me feel respected and helps me in my own life. Also, I have to tell you, I really admire your strength and courage in being willing to see someone individually. That takes a lot of guts and really shows a lot of personal responsibility. Anyway, it is best for me that you not feel my presence in your R with a therapist, so it probably makes sense for me to step away from the topic. Our health insurance people can help you find someone if you decide to go that route. Thanks again for your directness and courage."
Of course, don't say any of that if you can't be sincere, it will backfire. But, if you can find compassion for him and give up some control, you might find that you might be able to mean it
