Do I kick him out of the house or get back on the DB wagon?
You need to understand that these two things are not incompatible. This is not a recommendation either way, but until you understand how the two things could be compatible, you can't really DB.
Quote: How can he call me a whore when his girlfriend has a child with no husband and is having an affair with a married man with 3 kids? Isn't that a little strange?
I would also not waste time trying to rationalize irrational statements. This all sounds like 'emotional vomit.'
David
The fires of true love can never be quenched, because the source of its flame is God Himself! - Shulamith
I also agree with OT that he is projecting his inner hatred onto me. By the way, since this started he has also decided that he wants nothing to do with his parents or brothers and sister. He hates them for how he was treated as a kid.
Since it is apparent that my H has severe self esteem issues how can I get him professional help without him thinking that I am trying to control him or change his mind?
P.S. You are all right, I cannot take his hateful words to heart. Its just in the heat of the moment when the blade goes in and twists....
Quote: Since it is apparent that my H has severe self esteem issues how can I get him professional help without him thinking that I am trying to control him or change his mind?
Mama, what I learned this weekend is that I am not the best person to do this for my W -- even when she thinks I am! The best thing is for a friend or relative to this. Is there someone you can talk to and ask them to call him and talk?
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
Ok, I feel I have to strike while the iron is hot. Since my H agreed to talk with a professional I made an appt. for this evening with a marriage couselor. This is not the same one I was seeing before, I want to start fresh so as my H does not feel like we have conspired against him. This is also a man, so maybe he will feel comfortable opening up with him. I want to do this before he has a chance to tell the OW and she talks him out of this.
Only if the MC will see you separately. Your H needs space from you and help for himself as an individual.
I believe that forcing MC with a P who is not invested in trying to save the M does more harm than good for everyone involved. He has stated very clearly that he has no interest in pursuing a husband-wife R with you right now.
Quote: I believe that forcing MC with a P who is not invested in trying to save the M does more harm than good for everyone involved. He has stated very clearly that he has no interest in pursuing a husband-wife R with you right now.
Ok, I guess I get this if you look at it from the perspective of forcing MC being just like buying them "how to save your marriage" books but is there more to this idea than that? What I don't really understand, and this may be specific to Mama's case, is that her H is agreeing to go to a counselor. I don't get that she is forcing him to do so other than seeing ANYTHING he does to "work on the marriage" as coerced at this point because he is clearly (I guess) not ready to do that. I understand they are not "in a marriage" by some definitions, but you have to start somewhere, don't you? Aren't many couples that go to MC in a similar situation to Mama and it works for them?
I guess I am also, once again, projecting my sitch into this because IF my W ever went to MC it would be her choice. I too would jump at that chance because I believe it would allow us to express things that we are just not comfortable doing by ourselves...yet. Isn't that the point of MC, to get a "impartial" person involved to mediate and help each partner express themselves in a more "safe" environment?
I am sincerely asking questions here because I don't know.
Well, I agree with GH. He stated he was willing to talk to a counselor. I am going to run with that right now. I do not feel that I am forcing him. I have to believe that he wants a way out of his unhappiness and he hasn't been able to find it in the bottom of a bottle.
The counselor suggested that he wants to see us together as a couple for the first time to assess our situation and how we communicate our feelings. If there are underlying issues that need to be addressed seperately them he will do that.
Mama, I also sincerely doubt that your H is going to MC with the goal of repairing the marriage. As such, I don't believe that joint counseling will be effective. It may be good to have one joint session today, so that the MC can get a picture of how the two of you relate to each other and see some of the issues involved, but I absolutely agree with OT that you need to see him separately after today.
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
