Mama, I TRULY don't mean to belittle your pain but I have given up SEVERAL times throughout this, and so has everyone else. So too has all our spouses said things that cut to our core and basically "ended things for REAL". My W has said on several occasions that she had NO need to work on us and NO desire to explore if we could work things out. Funny how she never as mentioned divorce or seperation other than to deny she wants that.
I TRULY feel for you right now. I know how bad it hurts and in all actuality, this is probably one of those times to wait a few days and then evaluate if you really DO want to throw in the towel. I suspect you will not, but if you add up all the feelings/facts/time/circumstances and decide you are done, then that is a decision you will have to make. I emplore you not to make it based on one conversation.
In DB and counseling too, we are told to listen and when we do become good at listening, expect to hear some REALLY tough things. However, we are cautioned that it's when we start to hear those things that it means we are getting to the heart of the issue and to be strong through it. I am by no means excusing him calling you names or anything like that. What I am saying is that this conversation, as bad as it was, gave you some information and instight to him that it sounds like you didn't have before. I'll leave it at that. Again, I am truly sorry you had to go through that.
Quote: that is when I thought the issue was the A and the OW. At this point, I cannot blame anything on the affair. My H has apparently felt this way for years.
Um, now IF you were still DBing, I WOULD say that, well, it never really was about the A and now you are getting to the real underlying issues in your marriage. Without getting to those issues, and finding a way to resolve them, you would never have had a complete, healthy marriage again.
Please, gather yourself and THEN make decisions. I am thinking of you.
GH
P.S. Stop that crap about not deserving us... let HIM think that way about you for now, don't YOU start!
