Ok, after doing some serious soul searching I have come to the realization that I cannot depend on my H for my happiness (duh) So although being a stay at home mom brings me much joy I need to find other ways to feel good about myself, to be independent and not rely on my happiness to come solely from the R I have or have not with my H.
After being out of the workforce for nearly 10 years I think I would like to jump back in. This will require putting kids in daycare but I think the benefit to my personal self growth will out weigh the obstacles.
Next week my H is off, since I am constantly tied down with the kids I will make use of this time and work on my resume and seriously job hunt.
I realize that I cannot get my H do to something that deep in his heart he is not ready to do. I am at a point where I cannot sit here and wait. I must, as they say, GAL and that doesn't mean workout more and be nicer. But seriously get a life. Be independent. Having a happy and loving family and marriage is great but that is just icing on the cake. I have put myself and my needs on the back burner for so long that this will truly be my 180. Some say, myself included, that my kids are my life. When you think about it, that is not healthy. Someday they will grow up and move out and then what kind of a "life" will I have. To be a better mother and spouse and I must be a whole person first. Just rambling....I need to put my thoughts into words.
