Hi Folks...popping back over again. I understand completely. I am in the same sitch. H still keeps taking $, talking to OW, and I can only assume hanging out with her. For me, it's best to assume the worst, get over it and move on.
A few weeks ago, I was scared to leave for vacation for 2+ weeks, now I can't wait to go. I don't care what happens, what goes on. Should I live my life in fear of leaving all the time? I can't and won't live like that. I will do my best as ME, and that's all I can do. Good enough, who knows.
In my case, H flat out told me that he has "lots of friends" at work that he hangs with, helps with $. He said that he knew that he needed to cut all that out, and throw himself with full love into our M if he was to committ...but he was "confused", not in love. So, it was like him saying, I'm still seeing if this can work, and until then, I will do what I damn well please. I did read in an email that he did cut things back to a "friend" level...but why the need for secrecy with all these people. Also, that made me feel better is that he's been in contact with several FF coworkers...I personally think it's a self-esteem thing...he was so sick of feeling like a failure in our M, that he is easily vulnerable to anyone who needs him in a good way, appreciates him, has fun with him, never complains. I was hurt when I read an email from OW, pissed that she had been trying to contact him and he had not b.c he was busy...he was sweet about it with her..said her care for him meant a lot, she was a good friend to him (nice that he at least called her just a friend). It was also nice to see that he blew her off too when busy.
I act as if too...the bank statements are RIGHT there...but I don't ask. I'm not dumb. I know this will have to end soon, and if it gets to a level where I have detached completely and too toxic, then I know where the door is. Until then, I'm being patient, as he was for me, until this phase is over.
I hate when all this bothers me and affects me. I feel like my life is suddenly on the Jerry Springer show. It makes it easier to walk away from . I can think the worst, who cares. I am better than that, better than deserving of a life like this for long, I will not be insecure over some twit of a woman who he has known just for 6 months or less. H even said that "How can you think that she means more to me, or I am into her more than you when I have just known her for a few months...doesn't compare..." But, with all the lies, is this is a lie too? But, lately, H has not been into being nice to me and saying nice things if he is not truly feeling it.
Stand up, stay strong and proud. You are a WONDERFUL woman. You deserve better than this...you WILL NOT be lowered to these standards.
