I am in kind of similar situ to you... My H and I live apart now, been seperated for 2 years... He was the one that wanted out.... I DBted for 1st year then found out he had been seeing OW so gave up and went and met someone else... Anway year on my BF and I have split and my H and I get on well now, ( most of the time), we have started kind of seeing each other... BUT he still sees OW.... I hate this but like you have resolved to the fact that the more you try and deter them the more they keep seeing OW. I think its all about control... they need to feel that they control their own lives and can do what they want when they want without our approval... I still get jealous now and i hate it when I know he is spending time with her....specially if he has just spent night with me.... But i also think that sometimes he does things to see how far I will go and to see what my reaction is.. Last weekend my H told me that things had fizzled out with OW and he was not bothered about her and just wanted to be friends... This weekend he is going to spend all day saturday with her and sat night... why? coz she has told him she wants to see more of him... what ???? since when does my H do what a women tells him to do?? that was one of the things he wanted to get away from in our marriage.. Sometimes is does not make sense. I asked him why he was spending alot of time with her this weekend when he had said he was not bothered about her.... he couldnt give me straight answer... he said ' i am not bothered about her', but then launched into a 'you cant tell me what I can or cant do' convo so i left it...
Personally, I dont think he is that bothered about her, and I do think it will fizzle out BUT I also think it has to be completely 100% my H's decision. If for one minute he thinks I want him to end things with her - he wont!!! Sounds very childish I know, but this is how my H works... If I want something I have to ask and act the complete opposite - then I get what I want!!!
My advice to you is as hard as it may seem - act as if you are completely fine with OW.... tear your hair out in private. But dont mention OW or R talk... keep of subject and if your H brings up talk of R or OW, listen but just keep calm and try and not comment...
If he beleives it is not bothering you or you are not interested I bet things will fizzle off with her....
