I'm back again looking for answers

[RBinBR]

Mama,

I'm a big proponent of doing significant 180's to get the spouse's attention. I know some on this board want to do simple DB techniques and not do anything drastic, but I don't necessarily agree.

I hate to be blunt, but your friend is correct to a certain extent. Telling your H to leave and then wanting him to stay is definitely "doormat" behavior. In my opinion, your H is currently unlikely to alter his behavior because he knows that he can get away with it without any real consequences. If you want him to give up the OW, the first thing you need to do is get your self-respect back -- then you can work on getting him to respect you. Have you read Dr. Dobson's book Love Must Be Tough? I think it has some great advice for you.

I think you are overdue for a big 180. Is OW married? If so, you might thing of talking to her husband.

Or, you might think of kicking him out until he shapes up. I think this is a better strategy for women to use than for men, because I think a lot of men have affairs because they can and they enjoy the chase and conquest, while most women who have affairs believe that they have now discovered their soulmate.

I especially thinking that kicking the bum out is a good strategy if the S cannot run to the OP, as you indicate may be the case.

It is definitely drastic, but I'm glad I did it, and I think NotMarried will tell you she's glad as well.