NM, Thank you so much for finding that post and sharing it with me. I know this will take time. By nature I am not a very patient person. I like instant gratification and am expecting the "big miracle".
I need to focus on the small positive things in our R - like H not staying out all night anymore. He used to go out drinking and them call to say he was too drunk to drive - at least once a week. I never really knew where he slept, he said in his car....but regardless he has not done that in the last month so I am grateful. It also seems as like I put too much energy trying to fix our situation sometimes to the point of making mountains out of mole hills. Of all the books that I have read they all really say the same thing - the only person that you have any control over is yourself. I cannot rely on my H for my happiness. I need to leave him be to work out his own turmoil. There are lots of times when I question my sanity, like why the heck am I letting someone treat me this way. This is when I lose it and tell him to leave. He clearly does not want to - so I need to stop pushing him. I believe in our marriage and have faith that one day my H will return my feelings of love and respect until then I will stop shooting myself in the foot and continue to come here and vent and remind myself that I'm not the only one in this situation and I/we will make it.
