I give up. I also stand by my last post. You have your mind set on your interpretation of what’s going on and you refuse to budge regardless of the facts.
Regardless of what you may think, W does not feel in her heart of hearts that she did anything wrong. I have confronted her on things she did not do. She DID blow up. In fact, probably more than she did this time when she was guilty. So your theory simply doesn’t hold up.
Telling her that I’m not kicking her out is NOT backing down. Neither is it neutral ground. I gave W firm boundaries. There were only two, but they weren’t negotiable. I told her that she could abide by those boundaries or leave. That is NOT backing down. She tried to twist it to me kicking her out and again, I did NOT back down. I told her, no I’m not kicking you out, I’m giving you the option of following the rules or getting out – your choice. I do agree that such a statement is milder than saying, “get out” but try as I might, I can’t see how it is backing down.
How do come up with this idea that W thinks I “fell back in line”? As I’ve said many times, I gave her an ultimatum and I have not ever even hinted that I am backing off from that position. As Stig so eloquently said, I don’t really know what’s going on in her head. All I can tell you is that the line was drawn in the sand and she hasn’t crossed it. If W thinks that means I’ve fallen back into line, so be it. (see Stig, I was listening.)
The C is yet another issue where you’ve been contradicting yourself and have conveniently ignored my questions. You badmouthed me for depending too much on the C and told me to make my own decisions without him. Then you told me I should discuss your strategy for disclosing the diagnosis with him. And now you’re back to telling me that I’m too enmeshed with the C. You can’t have it both ways. YOU give me conflicting advice and tell me I’m a coward for not following it. D@mned if I do and d@mned if I don’t.
And let me address the whole enmeshment thing. Again, wrong. Yes, I am loyal to the C. I’ve told you before that every time I’ve tested him, he’s been right. Why do I get angry when you question that loyalty? I don’t. I get angry when I get frustrated about repeatedly answering the same things over and over and over. Enmeshment??? You’re nuts. How can I be so enmeshed with a guy I’ve seen maybe a dozen times in the past 10 years? I’ve only seen him once and traded emails three times since the one-time visit where he told me about the NPD. That hardly sounds enmeshed to me. Once again, you’re coming up with some off the wall theory without adequate facts and just insisting that you’re correct. Sorry. You’re not.
Stig,
The only real correction I have to what you said is that I don’t care what my in-laws think. I wrote them off years ago. I was just telling about them and how the think in order to clarify that W does have somewhere else to go for her narcissistic supply.
And GEL, you’re right of course. I’ll try to remember to stop trying to use logic. It’s hard though – it’s just the way I am.
