I don’t understand what you are saying here. You acknowledge the source of her power. Then you sabotage exactly what you need to do to cut off that power. WTH?
You may have a point with this one. But as I’ve said multiple times, my thinking was that I needed to make it clear to her that she had a choice – change her behavior or get out. I was not kicking her out, but forcing her to make the decision.
No, in her mind she knows exactly how big a thing she did. She knows it was not tiny. She just denies the truth.
Bzzzzz. In her mind she did nothing wrong.
Why do you think this is an over-reaction? Do you think you and your daughters are deserving of her treatment, but this one time was a little too much? If she can just work on the intensity of her abuse to a level you can tolerate the rest of your life… Again, WTH?
No, no, no, no, no. You completely misunderstood what I was saying. I didn’t say that I thought I over-reacted; I said that in her mind I over-reacted. If anything, I think I under-reacted.
No, the reality is you were doing this to avoid your fears. To divert the argument onto her is your denial. You MUST be truthful in all matters to cut off her power source. You are still doing the dance with this statement.
Wrong again. There were no fears to avoid. How many times have I said that – the biggest thing that surprised me in this entire thing is that I wasn’t afraid of her leaving. D18 without having heard the convo/fight or consulting with me, told W almost exactly what I did. Are you trying to force your denial theory onto her too? I was not afraid, and I was/am not in denial. As I have related several times in this thread, W was saying to me and to others (in convos that I overheard or that were repeated to me) that I was kicking her out. I was not being anything less than completely honest. I was just trying to clarify that I was NOT kicking her out. I told her the rules and told her that if she found them unacceptable, she was free to leave. More correctly, I told her, “You know where the door is.”
Be truthful. She did nothing to “bring you into line.” You did that to yourself.
You misunderstand yet again. This was not my thoughts, but my relating of hers. W threatened to leave. I stood my ground. I told her that I didn’t want her to leave, but I did not back down on anything I said to her. But W told her friend that, “things are a lot better.” From that statement, I inferred that she thought I had done or was doing something different.
Her mother does not sound like a doormat to me at all, but a professional narcissist... Instead of confronting your wife as the narcissist, let her know you think her mother is one… See what your counselor says about this strategy.
That sounds amazingly like what I’ve been saying. W developed NPD in an extremely dysfunctional FOO. And last time I said that I was going to ask the C about telling W about the NPD diagnosis, you jumped on me for letting him run my life instead of standing up for myself, making my own decisions, and letting the chips fall where they may.
You say you are paying this man. He works for you. If he makes a statement like this, of course you should ask him why. Anything and everything he tells you is for your benefit and education. Don’t bury your head in the sand with your counselor too. If you cannot confront him, no wonder you can confront your wife.
How do you come up with this crap???? How do you come to this crazy idea that my head is in the sand or that I’m afraid to confront the C? What have I ever said to give you such a warped perception? I asked the C if W knew about this diagnosis. He said no. I asked if I should tell her and he said no, it wouldn’t do any good. So it didn’t occur to me at that particular moment to question him further about why he felt that way. How exactly does that make me in denial or afraid to confront the C? I don’t get it. You want my opinion? I think you came up with this denial thing and are bound and determined to make it stick no matter how much you have to stretch and distort the circumstances to make it fit.
