I can really sympathize with you, but isn't all that a form of denial? Though you have good reasons to do what you do, the fact that you have held you and your daughters in a kind of limbo for so long says something. Isn’t reluctance to take necessary actions ultimately a form of denial? Maybe the terminology is in the way.
The bottom line I guess is that you are holding yourself back. Again, I can understand the fear of abandonment in such drastic actions, but what you don’t know is if such action could actually make things better. Drawing such hard lines is counter to everything else on these boards. But an NPD does not fit the mold that allows all the other advice to work. So taking such a hard stand against your wife would seem scary.
I mentioned before that the two of you seem to be very enmeshed. I still believe that (your girls are also enmeshed). The bond between you seems to be very strong. Cutting this linkage feels like a threat to you, which may be why you prefer to hope she will instead “get it” and save you the agony of cutting off your own support system.
But you are about as low as you can get in your marriage. How much worse would a complete split be, as the true bottom point (I know you are not considering this, but speaking hypothetically)? How do you and your counselor see the risk/reward trade off?
From where I stand, I think a split or divorce would actually be a load off your shoulders. So what you fear as another drop in your happiness could actually be a step up. I think you may be in the worst possible state right now.
But V-Bube, there is more here that keeps nagging at me and I’m having a little trouble putting my finger on it. I keep thinking back to my dad. He is a very easy going person, non-confrontational, non-assertive, but very subconsciously passive-aggressive. If I speak to him about some of the things he does, he seems willing to own up to them, yet down under all this is a very quite, but stubborn streak. He holds very tightly to his beliefs and has some trouble opening his blinders to other points of view. I feel you holding on tightly to something to.
BTW, what did I hit close on? Care to discuss it any further?
