VB

You did NOT wimp out.

I want to second this.

Quote:

Thank you for standing up to her.


No forget that. I want to buy you a beer. Thank yourself VB, and see that this is the second time you have given your wife a boundary and she has complied. Please. See it. Then say to yourself, 'I dun good.'
I dont even care if you understand it at this point. Just see it and know that it works. Then DO what works.


So does somebody want to explain to me what just happened?

Bud, we can explain it four differnent ways in four different languages.
Untill you have these sort of emotional a-has, and see that the counter intuitive is what works, all the explanations and words in the world wont make a difference to you.

Let me try one more time.
summing up.

being a 'nice guy' is not what is going to work.

FWIW, you were strong, unyielding in your boundary, and --as soon as you stopped telling her that you wanted her to stay -you were NOT placating or supplicating.

VB.
I wont go so far as to say you are a man o steel (yet- only the accomplished and succesful Nopkins gets that award from me.... ) but every journey begins with 1 step and you have made a couple of huge ones.

you are making me smile with your first few steps. Sincerely. She even reached out to you with a physical communication of affection.
Do you see this?

Yes, but it confuses you still, most likely.



The advice is coming thick and fast now. Dont get overwhelmed. You see, now, that your D's have been hurt and I am sure that will encourage you to make future boundaries just as strong.

Drop the IF's froms your statements and also, there is no need to overwhelm yourself and your W with future probabilities. 1 day at a time, and tell her 'NO, thats not acceptable'- when you see it.
Without flinching.

Im not gonna wish you luck. You can do it. You can protect yourself, and your D's. What your W decides to do outside of those boundaries is her issue.

You may be yet surprised. There is still much for you to learn in this R.

Your C can help you.