My first wife was NPD. I diagnosed her when I was reading the DSM-IV in order to understand a disability case I was handling. I just remember answering "yes" to almost all of the questions the manual asked about a person's behavior.
It will likely do no good to tell her that she has NPD. Furthermore, there is likely little she could do about it if she even had the ability to understand its effect on the people in her life. As I recall, "long term, inpatient therapy" was about the only thing that had any chance of helping the person with NPD. How many NPDs would subject themselves to that? More likely, their response would be, "it's not my FAULT that you can't please me."
Z, you have done the biggest, best thing you could have done at this point in the process: you have adjusted your attitude. (It's the only thing over which you have 100 percent control, you know.) When you're ready, your next step will appear before you as a choice. You, with your attitude-change, will have to make the choice, and it won't be the same one you might have made a year or two ago, because you're not the same person you were back then.
I see you as a man whom life is tempering in order to help you make the right choices for yourself and for your daughters.
