Here's something else to chew on... (as if you needed anything else)-- right now her leaving or not leaving seems like some kind of final, irreversable, armageddon sort of thing. But I think what you're going to wind up dealing with is keeping her away. Or only letting her come back on your terms. I predict she will go away for a weekend or a week and then keep raising the emotional level and the emotional stakes by calling, coming back to get stuff, needing this, needing that, checking on things, harassing the kids, and generally hanging around. Who else in the world is going to give her the narcissistic buzz that she gets from her own family? Who else will let her occupy the queen of the world chair?
So getting her to leave is a very small speed bump IMHO. Dealing with her staying gone/coming back will be the greater and stormier challenge.
We're behind ya with prayers and positive thoughts!
(And not to beat this to death-- oops! poor choice of words-- D14's desire to lash out at her mom by kicking the dog is absolutely understandable, no argument there, and if she had struck your W (the offender) or her sister (her "peer"), I would be less traumatized and nauseated. For a young FEMALE to beat up on a weaker creature is a gigantic fluorescent red flag. There should be no "if" about her seeing a C, and the sooner the better. Wanting to kick the dog is one thing-- actually kicking the dog shows she is out of control. What if there had been a loaded gun at hand. I seem to be hearing from you and the others that her behavior was "understandable," and that maybe she should be punished or something and that will be that. Her feelings, desires, rage, etc.are "understandable"; her behavior is outside the bounds of tolerable, healthy, "understandable" behavior. I don't mean to be a PITA-- I confess this is my single biggest hot button. Those Columbine-type kids usually start out by abusing their pets... and their parents thought what they did was unthinkable/unimaginable, too. She doesn't need punishment or a talking to-- anyone who hurts a pet is suffering intolerable pain. Hurting a weaker creature gives momentary relief from the pain (like the girls who cut themselves to gain temporary relief from emotional pain). She needs somewhere to go with that pain-- not to you, but to a professional. I don't think she can pull herself out of this hole on her own. Lil curls up in a fetal position, licking her paws and cleaning her whiskers.)
