I’m guessing that D14 caught whatever it was that D14 had over the weekend. That’s why I included the part about her being sick. D14 didn’t say that she wasn’t feeling well when W sent her out to walk the remaining dog. D14 didn’t barf until W had taken the dog from her and sent her back inside. She was back in her room after throwing up when W came in, saw my mother, and hit the ceiling (again).
Quote: 2. Why didn't D18 stop W from wailing on her little sister?
I would have to speculate there, but my first guess would be fear. They have all told me that they’re afraid of their mother. She did tell W to stop, but she didn't intervene.
Quote: 3. Why are you stepping into W's shnit again and trying to rescue her from herself?
I don’t know. I’m trying not to. Don’t you think I’m doing even a little better? I haven’t argued with W about her leaving; I’ve just said that I don’t want her to leave when she started tossing around these allegations that I’m throwing her out. As I said in my last post, I’m not even doing that any longer. In all honesty, I hope she does leave. I do sincerely want us to work things out, but I think a little separation would do us all a lot of good right now. The girls need to feel safe. W needs to get a grip. And I could sure stand a little less stress myself. My doctor would probably have a cow if she saw my blood pressure. I NEED the break.
Quote: What if you were to merely answer "oh?" to her declarations of leaving?
I can try that, but my inclination is to just not respond at all.
Quote: She's trying to get you to play the game that you have always played, namely that you will reel her back in and thereby assume the responsibility for what happened in the first place.
That’s why I was responding with the simple statement that I didn’t want her to leave. I have no intention of trying to “reel her back in” in any way. I was just telling her that to make sure that there was no doubt in anyone’s mind as to whom had made the decision.
Quote: My advice is to say nothing...do not offer to help her pack, do not beg her to stay, simply be willing to listen to her tell you of her plans and otherwise avoid contact with her, unless it is to politely inquire about her progress on leaving the home.
My plan exactly.
I agree with your remarks about the abuse 100%. Kicking the dog was way, way, way out of line, but I do understand the rage. I understand that she feels helpless and defenseless. I understand that the dog was just a surrogate target. Like I told Lil, we’re addressing that separately. I also feel that all of the girls are emotionally abused and D14 is physically abused as well. Let me give you one more quote before I go. This is lifted verbatim from an email that D18 sent to the friend with whom W is planning on staying (one of her rescue group friends). As with the C, I’ve only taken out names. She sent it because she wanted this friend to hear the other side of the story.
Quote: I was back in my bedroom and heard her screaming at D14 about calling my grandma and heard hitting. When she gets mad she always hits D14. When I was little she hit me. Like I said, she has a very bad temper. Her dad was the same way. I ran out of my room and yelled at her to leave D14 alone and said that I was the one that had called my grandma. She continued to yell at D14 and told her to get out of the house and never come back.
And thanks for answering. I do truly appreciate your input. Since you’re married to me, I value your input over just about anybody here.
