Lil, I didn’t mean to suggest that D14 abusing the dog isn’t a problem. I know that it most certainly is. I know that animal abuse is a warning sign for lots of terrible things. I just meant to say that the dog kicking wasn’t what I wanted to talk about. I’m all but certain that it’s D14 redirecting her anger at her mother. That and what BF said: jealousy of the love and attention they get from W. We’ll work on that issue separately. I may be kidding myself, but I think I have a pretty good handle on that one. It’s W that has me confused. And BF, “verwirrter” is the masculine adjective form of the verb “verwirren”. I’m not sure of the literal meaning (maybe Pen can help here), but I’ve heard it used to mean confuse, perplex, disorient, or something along those lines.
BF, I realize that I gave you a very brief synopsis of what went on. During the row, none of the kids were home. I had neither seen nor talked to D14. I had only heard D18’s version of the story. I don’t know if accused is the right word, but I did make reference to W beating D14 with the leash. Now, having heard two other versions of the story from the two people who were actually in the room at the time, I think beating was too strong a word. And since her father used to fly into rages and beat her, it’s also a word that pushes one of W’s buttons. Any apology I would consider would be along the lines of backing down from the use of the word ‘beating’ and telling her that if I said anything that made her think that I was kicking her out, I’m sorry. That was not my intention. Right now, I’m not inclined to apologize for anything, but I have a long history of letting her run roughshod over all of us and I can’t stop this nagging feeling that I need to fix this. Rationally, I know that I can’t fix it, but it’s still there.
Chrissy, I most certainly told her that the animals either went with her or I would get rid of them. She is leaving one dog and one cat. The dog is D18’s dog that she’s had since she was very young. I didn’t ask why she’s planning on taking two of the cats and leaving the other one. But two pets is an acceptable number and I don’t mind.
I did talk to the C sometime between the incident with the dog and the kids. Emailed actually. His answer was short and sweet. The email you’re about to read is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
Quote: D14 is not old enough to kick out, W is. Tell W to pack her bags and leave.
The C does counseling for the Dallas Police Department and was unavailable yesterday. I could have called him at home, but I didn’t want to do that. I emailed him again with what I told you. I got an answer last night. Again, it was short and sweet.
Quote: Make her leave. That is the only way you can get control. You have to tell her that it is time for her to grow up. She is creating problems with the whole family. Tell her to leave VB. Please tell her to leave. Do not beg her to stay. If you do she will think she has the right to make everybody sorry for how they have mistreated her. Make her leave.
Not much room for interpretation in that is there?
And finally, it bears repeating that none of the kids were home when this occurred. None of the kids heard the thing about adopting the little [censored]. I told D18 about it, but as far as I know, D14 doesn’t know about it. I would like to keep it that way.
W jumped D18 yesterday morning and D18 pretty much told her the same things I did. She called me after her mother left and told me what she had said. I think D18 handled it pretty well. Incidentally, D18 is very mature for her age. I have never shared any of the SSM issues with her, neither have I discusses my A with her other than to say that I did it, it was wrong, and that it was none of her business. I have talked about W though. D18 has come to me about a number of things and I finally shared the NPD thing with her. I told her that her mother wasn’t evil, but had an illness that affected her behavior. I told her that her mother doesn’t really hate them, but the rage and the vitriol are just something that she can’t control without getting some help – help she doesn’t seem inclined to seek.
Lou, after the last email from the C, I’m thinking that I should stop telling her that I don’t want her to leave. I’m just trying to figure out how to follow his suggestion and tell her to leave while making sure that she can see that the door is always open for her to come back if and when some of these issues are addressed.
As for the van, I just said, “It’s yours.” She came back with, “It’s in your name. You paid for it.” I just repeated, “It’s yours.” End of convo.
