Wow GH, it sounds like you are really starting to come to grips with your own intimacy issues -- insecurity in approaching W, unsure of basic skills like kissing, poor body image that leads to you rejecting W's touch, etc... It is great that you are recognizing these things. I am reflecting them back to you to help you see the picture you are painting of a man with huge intimacy issues who is confused about W's lack of interest in intimacy. I think it especially important that you have rejected her touch, as you yourself know, that is very painful and pretty much kills sexual interest. It is extremely important that you stay aware of your contribution to the overall intimacy problem before this point. Also, keep an eye out for how you continue to contribute to it. Have you worked with your T on this???
Anyway, what is going on now w/intimacy? Your W is flinching -- why, you don't know. Maybe it tickles, maybe it causes her pain because she wants something much more in terms of a passionate intimate R than she has ever received from you and you are giving her *more of the same*, maybe it is because she is considering going back to OM, maybe it is because she is mourning OM. Of course, maybe she is mourning OM because she sees that loss as giving up her only chance to have a passionate SL because even after all this, all you are giving her is more of the same.
Is what you are doing now working? It doesn't seem to be. Stop doing what doesn't work. If she asks why you aren't rubbing her back or kissing her neck, tell her the truth -- it doesn't seem to be working for her so it isn't working for you.
STOP with all the asexual egg-shell walking. Really, how likely do you think that is to make W hot for you??
And, this you really won't like. I'd suggest you read the thread in the SSM of Faking Os, beginning with the earlier posts on Chrom's thread. I suggested this to Rob based on comments he made about his SL, but he rejected it flat out. I'll suggest it to you, and I won't be surprised if you do the same. Things you have said recently suggest to me that your W has been faking a lot of Os with you. My bet would be that things seem OK once IC starts because she is faking to make you feel good and get things over with. I will not try to convince you of this as in my experience this kind of thing cannot be heard my Hs for some reason. Suffice it to say that her being sexually satisfied after you are finished, frequent simultaneous Os, and her requiring little stimulation other than IC to O are strong signs of faking. Denying faking, flushing, feeling contractions, trembling, sweating, etc... DO NOT show that your W is not faking. Notice that if she has a faking problem with you, this is something she could hope to avoid with OM.
My other bet is that her comments about wanting other kinds of intimacy rather than just sex means that she wants much more foreplay, of different kinds than she is getting, and much more afterplay so that she has a chance to have a SL that is fulfilling to her.
Anyway, I would repeat my advice -- quit being tentative and do something totally different. Take her on a picnic in an excluded area and press her down in the grass and kiss her passionately. Take her out dancing again and dirty dance with and feel her up in the car on your way home. Come home from work and tell her exactly what you want her to do in explicit detail. What can it hurt to treat her as a hot, sexual woman who requires passion?
Probably not as much as continuing to treat her like your sister in the hopes that her loins will begin to burn for you.
Yes, I am trying to shock you. Even if you refuse to try something new, at the very least stop doing what you are doing. It is not working.
That makes me wonder why you are doing it. Does it allow you to mask your own intimacy problems and put the blame on her?
