Mama, that's funny, I didn't post for like 10 hours and you worry...lol. Such high expectations
No, really just nothing to report. I have found a new hell to live in, but I TRULY realize that it's light years beyond the REAL hell many of you are still in. I just have to live daily trying to figure out just where we are. The ring has still never left my W's hand, which is VERY strange for her. Even when she was wearing her original wedding band she took it off every now and again depending on what she was doing. It always went right back on, but you know what I mean.
I am just confused. As usual, I rubbed her back during TV time last night, but that is getting strained every once in awhile, with her saying she doesn't need/want it. She clearly knows it's my door to intimacy and she's closing it now and again for some reason. No matter to me. All things in time.
Before I went to bed my W was checking our banking info online and I walked up behind her to squeeze her shoulders and tell her I was sorry a shirt she likes got ruined in the laundry. When I was done, I bent down and kissed her on the neck and she pulled away like a bug bit her. It was pretty uncomfortable. I tried not to react and just went to bed. I guess this may be the withdrawal time she has to go through after the OM? I know I am trying not to speculate, but the alternative is that everything else is a lie. You all told me (and so does my reading) that when the OM was out of the picture, she would actually get MORE distant as she went through the grieving process for him and their R. I just hope that's what this is.
Oh, and another interesting thing. I have not seen her claddagh ring since the day she bought her new band. She is not wearing it anymore after wearing it daily since we got home. She wore it on the other hand so it's not like the new ring took it's place. Also, it's not in the box she was keeping it in ever since she got it. It's not in the bathroom where she leaves her other "daily" jewelery. That is interesting to me. Wonder if I was right about what it meant to her? Or, could be that she just doesn't like it, or even that it WAS about us and the new band serves that purpose. Who knows. Now that I've got that all out, time to forget about it, lol.
So, Mama, and curious minds wanting to know, yes, everything is ok. Any stress I have now is self generated. My guard is still up, or at least ready to go up at a moment's notice. I am still leery, but more weary of this process. It's not over and the steps are becoming less clear by the day. That's a good thing I think.
