Beyond the trip...back to reality...Part 7

[PArob]

"Are you expecting whatever you're going to do to be the 'one big thing' to help turn their head around, and profess their undying love to you? If so, how are you going to handle the disappointment of your unfulfilled expectations if they don't? Will you be willing to keep up with your efforts, and maybe just change a few things, or will it make you give up?
That is exactly what I have done up until now.
In my sitch a big part of the S and hurt feelings was because I was withdrawn and distant with my W. At first I persued hard, and it immiediately pushed her away. Luckily I found Michelles books and stopped.
I backed off and started showing her I cared through my actions. But I expected each thing I did to be the big "miricale" that brought her back. ...And when it didn't happen I would get hurt and mad and say thigns out of anger I didn't mean. Then I would back off for awhile and then do it all again.
The really bad thing here is that when I was showing her I care and being there for her, that was WORKING. I just didn't se it and didn't give it enough time. Then I would screw it up and go back to the way I was in the M ---which is just what she expected.
It really hurt and confused my wife. And now it may be to late. But I am not giving up.
In my sitch my W needs consistant, honest, unconditional, caring, with nothing expected in return, in order to break down her wall.---At least I think----Thats what I am going to do."

OMG, NM this is me to a tee. I know you didn't write it, but by virtue of you bringing it forward has really forced me to think about some things. Sorry for the hijack GH, but this is so completely relevant to my sitch. I keep looking for that one big "thing" that's going to bring her around and when it doesn't I get impatient as he!!.

Thank you NM! I will be looking to post more this afternoon GH, so i'll get a chance to read through some of your stuff too.