Quote: All right - I think I may be in bitch mode today....I apologize in advance.
Nope. No need.
Quote: I think you guys may be wandering down the wrong path here. What I mean is - you're focusing waaaayyyy tooo much on the OP and that R. Focus on yourselves. Face it that you are in LIMBO right now. A disturbing, unhappy place to be. Hell on Earth. However, you are going to be there until your W decides otherwise. Or until YOU decide otherwise. I, too have the same communication problems with my SO. But instead of focusing on the our "R" communication issues, I work on them in other areas, like the kids. It's a start, anyway. I can't force him to work on us. Don't bend over backwards all the time to try and get your W to come around. You are not in a happy, healthy, M right now. Stop trying to meet all of your perceived W's needs. She's not meeting yours. So, you have to meet your own until the day comes that she decides she wants to work on things with you.
True. I guess some of my posts, even on my own thread, are really reacting to Rob's sitch and not mine. In his sitch, his W says she WANT'S to make things better and is commited to makeing their M work so in his case, I don't think it's too bad for him to examine the communication issues.
In MY case, I guess I am looking down the road that may never exist for me, to a time when communication will matter once again. I agree with you. If I am spending much time on that, and I'm not really, I need to stop. As for my idea that I may have 180's to do or something like that, it's only with the idea that I will just be changing things I do not like about myself, that also happened to contribute to the lack of communication.
As for limbo as hell. Couldn't agree more. It truly is.
Quote: "The biggest roblems for me are a lack of patience and a failure to recognize that letting MY needs creep into my efforts only slows the whole process down and frustrates me even more."
No doubt. I am one of the least patient people I know. I have worked REALLY hard on that aspect of my life. It has paid off so far. I'm still here, sticking this out, and that's a testament to how far I have come. I would have never thought I could last this long.
Quote: "Are you expecting whatever you're going to do to be the 'one big thing' to help turn their head around, and profess their undying love to you? If so, how are you going to handle the disappointment of your unfulfilled expectations if they don't? Will you be willing to keep up with your efforts, and maybe just change a few things, or will it make you give up?
VERY nice. Of course we all think this, and it's why many of us fail. We pin our hopes on each new thing we try. Each new piece of advice will be the life changing one that will put us over the top. Each new day DBing will be the one that makes our WAS notice and come running back. Yea, count me in that group, but I think I have managed to realize that trap early on and while I still fall for it now and again, I avoid it more often than not. This is a long process and I am trying to stick with it for the duration.
Quote: GH - just saw your post. Yuo're right - the OP does become a problem IF your W says she is working on the M and is still seeing the OP. But that's not the case - YET. Right?
Again, the duality of the PArob/GH experiecne is at work here too. No, my W has not come out and SAID that like Rob's has, but she is expressing it in the way I have always known her to express things; through actions. You see, my W is the kind of person who will make an important decision, change, or some other thing that most people would just tell you about (i.e. I am not eating so and so anymore, or I don't want to have $ex with you anymore) and just BE that way from then on, expecting you to catch on that she's made the decision or changed somehow. I am almost certain that when the time comes for my W to drop the OM, she will NOT tell me she's done it. She will simply try to SHOW me that he's not around by, well, by doing something, but you get my point. The woman does not believe in communicating those things directly, or at least I don't remember a time when she did. Who knows, maybe that's changed about her now and she's just not told me...lol.
Thank you for the post, and it WAS NOT bitchy in the least.
