I was just reading a post on Heather's thread (this seems to be my pattern lately, read, then think of something to post on my thread) and I had a thought. Jabez told Heather to take some form of relationship inventory. What it was is not the issue. What it made me think of adds a little to my sadness of late. God, how I would LOVE it if my W would do something like that, something that would give me clues as to what she wants. My W has never been one to communicate or work on our R. If it was something that seemed artificial to her, like some kind of quiz or something, she immediately cast it off. She has always been one to believe that if the R is right, it just worked. I have never believed that at all, but over the years, I have just accepted this about her and I think it has led to conflict avoidance in a lot of cases. It sucks to be in a situation where your partner is totally unwilling to actually address your relationship in any meaningful way. It gives you a sense that anything that becomes a negative force in the R may just be left to exist rather than address it and try to work through it. Actually, that is what happened in most cases, and a large contributing factor in where we are today. I just hope this will not be the ultimate hindrance to us reconciling. It seems like she will, at some point, have to talk about "us" and her feelings. If not, how do we ever get to a point where we are both aware of the other's needs and are willing to meet them? Communication is the issue in many if not most of the sitches here, and in my case, it's a total lack of open, honest communication about our relationship. On any other topic, we can communicate effectively, whether it's the kids, weather, politics, etc. When it comes to us, she somehow thinks that should be off limits to talk about. Oh, and for those that know my sitch and maybe have a feel for my history, I assure you, this attitude is not a new development, or a reaction by her to trying to communicate and me not listening. IF she did try, she did it non-verbally, and maybe, just maybe my non-reaction did cause a rift, but I am not a mind reader so...
