Quote: I have to recommend that you really read up on enmeshment issues. The fact is, if you were detached, you would be yourself and not sacrificing yourself to the drama and the R. You would feel like a normal human being. Detachment isn't something you do while your wife is boffing the neighbor, it is a healthy way to relate to people so you can offer them genuine love and compassion rather than filtering everything through your own needs and fears.
Ok, point taken. Any suggestions on where to start reading about those issues?
I know I probably mis-posted when I said I wanted to be attached. It's not what I mean. I guess I just mean I want to be in a loving relationship where I am free to BE and so is she.
Quote: If you were more detached, rather than so reactive, then you might have even seen her getting that ring as a very sweet gesture. What if she had purchased a CD because it had one of your old songs on it, would you have assumed that also was about OM?
Ok, I hear that, and agree. Thing is, can you explain why she would not just come out and say she was buying the ring, and now wearing it for "us" and not him. My W is a very smart woman, and she knows full well what I think about the ring. It's why I haven't asked her about it. So it may not be ABOUT him, but why not say it's about us? Am I just being dense and "male" and just not reading this right? Am I wrong in thinking that if someone wanted to make this kind of statment, they would want to make sure the main person they wanted to hear the statment understood it? Sorry for being so simplistic.
