Ok. So when she claims she just "wanted the ring" because she liked the one I bought her long ago but wanted one in white gold or silver (and BTW, the ring she got him was NOT a claddagh, just a plain Celtic weave if that matters, and it does to me) and I think it's a lie, how do I proceed? Call her on the lie? Why stop there, why not call her on her life of lies these days. Well, I think the answer is because I already know enough to make certain decisions and knowing the answer to these questions will not change those decisions for me. Like many have said here before, stop asking the questions because they will either lie, or not, but it's really hard to tell the difference sometimes, especially right now from my perspective. My point is that she keeps SAYING, and really, acting like things between the OM and her are on the decline. As for us being on the "incline" that is still to be determined. So, me bringing this ring thing up is a sign from me that I do not believe her. Sure, maybe I DON'T believe her, but who cares right now. Things are what they are and I don't really believe I will know the real truth anytime soon so I need to make decisions about these things centered around that. As you say, I guess I am making big decisions based on incomplete information, but isn't that the nature of the beast? Since when does the LBS ever really get the whole picture? Since when do we get the luxury of knowing all we need to know, or want to know. Since when SHOULD we know all that? My point is that it doesn't change anything if I find out the ring does or does not symbolize something about the OM. Last night she went out of her way to say the both of us bought them when we were over there when talking to a couple we were visiting with. The inference was that we bought them for each other. Of course, who knows the truth...which is my point.
I said something that FD called me on. I said that I didn't know when to stop detaching and just go back to being a normal human being. What that means to me is that sometime I am just going to have to BE me and stop worrying about all this. Either my W is going to see, respect, like and love the man I am or she is not. All this little crap, all the details are NOT the point. Sure, they could help me make a decision when I need to, but right now, this call, or that ring, or those words, or some actions do not mean a dramatic shift.
I don't know where my W is right now. I keep saying that, but I DO know where I am right now and I like that place. I like that I am able to recognize that I have choices and I am free to make them whenever I want. I like that you, OT, let me in on a little secret about me being responsible for my own pain and suffering in all this. I like being in control of myself to a better extent and NOT needing to control my W. My W is going to do what she wants. If she wants to do me eventually, then great, if not, I have done all I can do to really be true to the man I want to be, and the man I think she really missed over the past few years. Will it be enough? Dunno. For now, it's mainly good. We'll see how tomorrow goes...and so on...and so on...
