Always and C4H- Thanks for your advice and for locking my thread!!!!!!!
Always- The list of things to get done. We have tons of them laying around. I make lists, H makes lists......he knows what has to be done but just dosn't do it. You hit on something that I have been wondering about. The whole "independence" issue. On top of his low self-esteem, not feeling needed, my independance, etc. I have been wondering if he is rethinking this move because it means more financial independance for us. He was the one who insisted I quit my at home work. I know and knew that was a way to put me totally dependant on him for something. When we move, the financial dependance part is gone as well. To make it worse, we have discussed that fact. So, he and I are well aware of it. I wonder if that could be why he is dragging his heels about getting this house on the market.
C4H- Your story about your S crying breaks my heart. I can relate to it so much. Being on the other end, it's a terrible situation for our kids to be in and it just breaks my heart to think of how kids are affected by this kind of behavior.
Sorry about not responding last night to the two of you. I went to bed really early. I was emotionally and physically exhausted. I don't know where I stand today with H, never alled him again last night and was sleeping before he got home. Wish me luck today!!
~SE
I'm moving on...at last I can see...life has been patiently waiting for me.
Me-32 WAH-35 DD-11 DS-4 H left 11-03 Piecing- 12/04 WAH again- 03/07 Married 12 years Divorce final May 15, 2007
I wonder if that could be why he is dragging his heels about getting this house on the market.
It's not as simple as that, but it could be a piece of the puzzle. Change is difficult, you can't CONTROL all the variables.
If I were in his place I would be confused as to what we were trying to accomplish with the move. (I understand a bit), but are we/you chasing something or running from something? Will the move solve problems or create them?
I am not expecting answers to these qustions, I'm just tring to point out that this may well be a bit confusing. What is going to be accomplished by moving?
Good questions. What is the move going to accomplish?
A- Less financial stress. Our mortgage is through the roof now and the taxes are going up another $2900 this year. B- A change in scenery and life. This house holds bad memories of the A because this is where it happened. C- More family. We both have a lot of family in NH. D- Overall change. Change is good sometimes. E- We are using this move as a "new start" so to speak. F- It puts miles between me and a bad family situation with my mom. Less stress for me.
Are there any drawbacks to this move? None that I can think of off-hand. From where we both sit....it's all good. Neither one of us has found a negative so far.
You're right, I can't control all the variables. But I can control the pace that this house gets ready by just doing it myself.
The realtor will be here at 10 am. I have to go finish getting things done!
~SE
I'm moving on...at last I can see...life has been patiently waiting for me.
Me-32 WAH-35 DD-11 DS-4 H left 11-03 Piecing- 12/04 WAH again- 03/07 Married 12 years Divorce final May 15, 2007
From our previous discussions I knew your motivation. I just wasn't certain that H was as excited about the move.
I don't really believe in the change for the sake of change.
However it does sound as if you are both in agreement that the move will be good for the family. It's just how to reach that goal that is creating a little conflict.
And again, it's not the conflict or the difference of opinions or any of that, that is causing your current drama. It's the explosive out of control anger that has everyone upset. H has got to rein that in. It's OK to be angry, you can disagree without being disagreeable.
The trick now is to help him understand how much the outbursts hurt everything you're both working toward. I've not completly accomplished it yet either. It aint easy.
Good Luck today. Hope the realtor gives you some good feedback.
Thanks. Realtor just left a little bit ago. We were scrambling around this morning getting things ready. I asked H "So are we not talking?" HE says "I guess not". I left it at that.
So, the realtor came and we did what we had to do. House is oficially on the market. I'm not sure I agree with his marketing tactic......but I did it anyway. He is listing it below market value to drive up the price. His theory is the lower the price, the more people who come to look and put offers in and they start to try to outbid each other, therefore, driving up the price. I hope he's right because it's listed at $20,000 less then I wanted it listed for.
All in all he said the house is in great condition. All the major upgrades has been done. Nothing much to do to it. He says if we want to paint and spruce it up, go ahead but it's not necessary. The biggest thing is he would like us to have the living room floor redone. Sanded and polyurethaned. I see his point, but we haven't done it yet because of S2.....we don't want him breathing in the fumes.
So......I'm excited. Let's see what happens now!
H is already left for the day for work, so nothing to worry about there.
~SE
I'm moving on...at last I can see...life has been patiently waiting for me.
Me-32 WAH-35 DD-11 DS-4 H left 11-03 Piecing- 12/04 WAH again- 03/07 Married 12 years Divorce final May 15, 2007
C4H- Less fumes= still fumes. That stuff is nasty for young kids to be around. Really, it won't increase the value of my home so I won't risk getting the little guy sick. Some things just aren't worth it. If it increased the value, I would take the kids to a hotel for a night or two.
I need to find boxes!!!!!!!!
~SE
I'm moving on...at last I can see...life has been patiently waiting for me.
Me-32 WAH-35 DD-11 DS-4 H left 11-03 Piecing- 12/04 WAH again- 03/07 Married 12 years Divorce final May 15, 2007
WOW- I got the shaft. I just talked to my dad. The realtor DID NOT explain that IF I got a full price offer and refused to sell it, I had to pay his comission on the sale anyway. That is BS. Now, I have seventy-two hours to back out of deal. I don't need this [censored] right now. I really don't.
I thought it odd that he suggest a starting price that was about $40,000 less then the last assessment I had done on it. Now I get it. He (the realtor) has "quick turnover rates" on his sales. He focuses on people who want OUT quickly and low-ball the prices. I got the game now. Yup.
I feel like an idiot. I know something didn't feel right. I should of went with my gut instinct.
~SE
I'm moving on...at last I can see...life has been patiently waiting for me.
Me-32 WAH-35 DD-11 DS-4 H left 11-03 Piecing- 12/04 WAH again- 03/07 Married 12 years Divorce final May 15, 2007
SE, At least you have an out. Talk it over with H (assuming you're talking again). A common enemy can bring you together. RE Agent is a weasel, too lazy to work for a commission, looking for the quick buck. I hate weasels.
