Quote: Echoing Hairdog, I think this is an excellent reply too! I’m wondering if it could be made even more powerful by combining it with Schanrch’s observation that the rejection from our spouse is phrased to make us vulnerable rather than him/her, kwim?
IMO, it is better to "drop the rope" in a confident manner when you are put on the defensive in this manner than to try and convince your spouse that they should make themselves vulnerable. For instance, if your spouse rejected your initiation attempt by saying something picky like "Those pajamas are not very sexy". You should say stop all initiating action and cheerfully say something like "You're right. I'll go to the mall this weekend and get some sexier pajamas. What was I thinking trying to turn you on wearing these old things!". Try very hard not to say this sarcastically.
Cheerfully pre-empt any pre-emptive strike from the offensive. For instance, Karen's hubby is grumbling in a way that makes her think he is trying to send out a no-sex signal. Instead of directly calling him on it as HP suggested, she could simply say something like "I was kind of hoping we might have sex tonight but I can tell that there is no way you could possibly be in the mood after that horrible, horrible day you had at work, so I'm going out to see a chick flick. There's beer in the fridge. Bye-Bye."
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
