I guess I'm looking at it from the other side of the telescope. People have the tendency to try to assign reason to their feelings. We like to believe we live in a world of "cause and effect" because then we feel more like we have free will and can effect change. Since on one level,HD and LD are feelings we try to assign reasons to them. The natural tendency is to try and protect our ego strength when we assign these reasons. The problem is when we attempt to protect our ego strength by assigning the reason for our feelings to others or when we use bad feelings as an excuse for bad behavior.
I was probably overstating the case when I said that LDFolk generally have the tendency to assign their LD feelings to relationship issues. This is probably more true of LD women. LD men tend more to assign their LD feelings to a lack of physical sexiness in their W or situational reasons as in your case and only fall back on relationship issues as a reason when feeling cornered. Thus, Mr.Karen when confronted with a horny undeniably sexy Karen in a bikini while free from situational responsibilities/stresses on vacation might say "I don't want to have sex with you because you are too demanding!".
This also has to do with why LD men turn to porn, IMO. It's not so much that the porn is a way to escape from or put some distance in the relationship. It's a way to save ego strength. The logic being along the lines of -My wife does not turn me on. Therefore either there is something wrong with me or something wrong with her. Porn does turn me on. Therefore I am a normal guy and there is something wrong with her. Of course, the natural tendency of the HDW who is married to this guy is to think along the lines of - My H is not turned on by me. Therefore either there is something wrong with him or something wrong with me. All the guys were checking me out as I walked down the sidewalk in my bikini. Therefore I am a sexy woman and there is something wrong with my H.
It doesn't really matter what the "real" reason is. The more you are able to assign the responsibility to yourself rather than your spouse without feeling resentment and the more you are able to take responsibility for your behavior even though you can't change your feelings the easier you will make it for your spouse to do the same. However, this is WAY easier said than done. Also, I sometimes wonder if taking too much personal responsibility for the problem isn't bound to backfire eventually because it really does become difficult to avoid resentment and also there is a certain condescension or lack of respect you are showing your spouse when you let them avoid taking on some personal responsibility by taking too much on yourself. Also there is the natural tendency to want to assign responsibility to outside forces beyond either of your control such as hormones, FOO or just thinking "this is the kind of thing that naturally happens in relationships". Once again it's hard to know what is the "real" reason and uncontrollable outside forces can be used to justify either ending a relationship or maintaining a lame status quo.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
