Quote: I didn't distance myself in order to upset the apple cart, and I honestly didn't do it either to try to get a reaction out of my H....in fact, I knew with certainty he'd be fine with it, because he thought everything was fine anyway....he was happy in our R (we all know why now).
GEL- I got to point out an error in your reasoning here. I'm assuming that you are referring to your H's MB habits when you say (we all know why). If MB to porn can make a man content or happy with distancing behavior from their wife why are there any HD men on this BB? That is an option that is open to all except the very conservative. Think about Chrissy's recent post in which she indicates that she is not going to have sex with her H for emotional reasons but will take care of her own physical needs by MB if necessary. The rule of thumb is the LD spouse always feels like they are not having sex with their HD spouse for emotional or relationship reasons and the HD spouse always wants to believe, for good reason, that the problem is more physical or due to purely sexual hang-ups caused by FOO or anything other than their role in the relationship. The actual "truth" of what exactly is causing the problem is probably outside of this realm altogether. It took me a long time to figure this out because I've never been the LD half of a relationship, but unless there is something magical about this BB that causes the HD and LD spouses who post here to be somehow different than all the other HD and LD spouses out in the world, I have to say that I don't understand (please explain) why for instance, you don't believe that your H feels pretty much the same as you did when you were the LD spouse in your previous marriage. I would ask the same question of Karen or IHJ (though we're talking about the same H here) or anyone else on the BB who has ever been the LD spouse. It's kind of scary isn't it? When I read Chrissy's posts I get kind of freaked out because she reminds me of my H in many ways. Basically loving and sweet, but depressive and cranky/picky ("don't touch me like that" etc.). When she wrote that sometimes she wished that her H would just die because that would make her life easier, I knew in my gut that my H has often had that same thought and it made me feel hopeless, hopeless, hopeless even though things are going pretty darn well at this point for us. This is why I keep trying to figure out how to get beyond, above, around this whole HD/LD paradigm.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
